Sometimes, Many Eyes are on You

I’ve been dancing for many years. That alone would make me stand out in a studio increasingly populated by newer dancers. But there are other factors at play. My goals have always been less about levels and winning and more about just becoming the best dancer I can be. Maybe that has just put me on a different path than others and helps me stand out a little more.

And I need to learn to accept this and maybe actually draw something from it. There is a healthy level of ego and acknowledging your talents and skills can be a good thing (if done in moderation). I have put a significant amount of time (and money) into ballroom so what’s wrong with accepting that I’ve developed a skill set. Isn’t that part of the goal?

I think it is just the way I’m wired. Some kind of natural ego check that is built in and deploys from time to time to keep the ego from running away. Too much ego is arrogance and there is nothing that grinds my gears more than some arrogant posturing fool bragging about themselves.

One downside is that it can lead me to put extra pressure on myself and since I already tend towards perfectionism, it only makes a bad thing worse. Lessons are practice time. I’m going to screw up. I’m not perfect but sometimes if I see someone watching, there is just that extra little layer of presure to not screw anything up. Like I don’t want to disturb their vision of me. Now that’s kind of silly.

Funny thing happened last night. I was watching another guy on his less while we were taking a bit of a break. Right away, I noticed his frame and posture. (What have I become?!?) Don’t let the shoulders come up! Keep your head back! Stand up straighter!

Now, maybe that energy somehow got out into the room because I noticed later that his instructor kind of pulled him aside while we were doing a smooth dance. I didn’t catch everything but I got enough to know that she was using me as an example of posture and frame. Which only made me self conscious of it so I naturally tried to stretch out even more. I suppose that isn’t a bad thing but there was this part of me that didn’t want to be a bad example.

There are times when I don’t want to be the role model because I don’t need any extra pressure. But I probably just need to accept that it is going to happen just because I’ve been doing this significantly longer than anyone else at the studio. Time to just lean into being an inspiration and count on my built in ego check to keep me from thinking I’m all that.

Aside from that, the lessons when well last night. All of the dances went smoothly with a few little tweaks and suggestions for each.

The quote above has nothing to do with this post but I just liked it. Although if I wanted to argue, I’d say there are times when nature rushes. Like now when it is spring and stuff changes on a daily basis. Still like the quote though.