Where is the Bright Side

You know, the thing they always tell you to look for. I guess I still need some time to process. One of the hardest things is actually first thing in the morning. I’d always take him out with me and go down to get the paper. Still kind of expect to see him when I walk back up the driveway. Guess it will be that way for a bit.

I haven’t talked much about the latest thing that is happening in the Suck Fest that is 2020. Dad has been in a rehab facility since early July. He is no longer able to really take care of himself and so we are going to have to move him out of his home and into another facility. We’ve decided that this is something we have to tell him face to face and so he doesn’t really know yet. In a couple of weeks, we get to break that news.

And, it gets better. Because he’s really not able to take care of himself, he won’t be able to bring his cats with him. Knowing how important they are to him, I know this is going to be a devastating blow but we don’t have another good option. Trust me, we’ve explored all of them.

Then again, it may not matter that much. Talked to the rehab place yesterday and he’s gone downhill. The problem with this rehab place is he doesn’t have a phone and can only make calls out when someone takes him to the common phone. Calls in are dicey because you have to get a nurse to get him to a phone and if he’s sleeping, it doesn’t work. So it means that we haven’t been able to speak with him that much and I’m sure a lot of this is just him feeling a bit isolated and alone.

And with the stupid COVID, we can’t even go in to see him. Any conversation has to be done over the phone through the front window. Which is great except when you deal with someone who can’t see or head very well anymore. I have no idea how this conversation is going to go or how he will adapt to the new place. We hope it is better than where he currently is because we’ll be moving in his bed and chair and things he is familiar with. But I don’t know if that will make any difference at all.

My computer always boots up with a screenshot of some beautiful place somewhere in the world. More and more, I wish I could just walk into the screen and put myself in that place. Maybe never come back. I mean it would have to be better than this, wouldn’t it.

I have another dance lesson tonight. I skipped last week because we had just brought Rocco home from the hospital and I needed to be around to help move him. Two weeks ago, I was getting excited about Showcase and actually dancing again. Right now, I just don’t feel the same level of joy. It might be different when I get there but now it seems more like something I have to do rather than something I want to do.