Performer at Heart

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When I signed up for another round of lessons, they put together a little “dance program”. It included West Coast Swing which is a dance I like and I’ve done a lot of routines to West Coast Swing songs. Most of that was learning choreography and less on the basics of the dance. Although I’ve picked up a few things here and there.

So last night, my new instructor noticed that West Coast Swing was on the list so we just had a fun night playing with it. It was less about the basic patterns and more about the feel and style of the dance. There were some technique tips as well. But it is a dance where you have some freedom to express yourself and play with things a bit based on the music.

While that is clearly something I want to do more of, I still have some of my own self imposed limitations to get around.

Anyway, near the end of the lesson, she called me a performer. I don’t know why it seemed strange coming from someone else but it is certainly true. And if you had told me when I started dancing that I’d be doing individual routines with costumes, I’d have said you were smoking something.

I don’t like going back and thinking about “what if” because you can’t go back in time. Sometimes, I can’t help myself though. I would never say that we got overt pressure to follow a certain path and I think my parents would have supported any decision. But there was certainly a strong “go to college, get a degree, get a good paying job” vibe. To Dad, money has always meant security and if we had enough, he wouldn’t have to worry about us as much.

With me, I was the best student and took to things like math more than my brothers did. It isn’t bragging but I’m kind of smarter than the average bear and I think that’s where some of the subtle expectations were set. I was the smart logical one so any thought of doing something creative was maybe for my brothers but not for me.

So I do wonder if I had taken a different path, how things might have turned out. What if I had tried to develop this part of me that only surfaced once I started dancing and once I went to a Showcase? Of course, I couldn’t really develop something I didn’t know was there. Again, it is silly to think about because you can’t go back. Maybe I needed the experiences I had so that ballroom hit me that much harder. Don’t know what you’re missing until you find it. (I don’t think that makes any sense)

OK, enough of that. I did stop by my former place of work today. Had to pay up for the lottery fund. Got to see a lot of people which was nice. Funny how everyone came up all excited and I got a few hugs. And then they guy I had come to see made a comment about how you had to leave before people truly appreciated you. Sad but sort of true.

Have one more lesson tonight and then the studio is doing another open house. I guess they want students for demonstrations and I got asked yesterday if I was interested. Not sure yet what we’ll be doing but I guess that will get worked out on our lesson before the open house.

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