I am feeling better today. I woke up like I typically do around 6AM and thought really hard about getting up and getting to the gym. There are different schools of though regarding exercise while you are battling a cold. But I was still feeling really run down so I opted to go back to sleep.
I hate being inactive. Which is why I may push myself too hard when I shouldn’t. Also, I have a lesson tonight and maybe it would have been too much to do in one day when I’m still having coughing fits every so often. I don’t know. I second guess myself a lot and, like I said, I hate sitting around all day although it is easy to fall into that trap.
Would have taken Rocco for a walk but he slipped coming down the stairs this morning. When I had him at the vet last week, they noticed some swelling in his back leg and he’s due back tomorrow for a follow up so I think he’s due for a x-ray or two. But, if he’s got some kind of soft tissue injury, I don’t want to aggravate it even if he’s begging for a walk. Actually, he’s been kind of quiet today so maybe there is a part of him that doesn’t want to go.
He’s an older dog and I hate the signs that he can’t do what he used to do. We’ve had him for 13 years and, while that seems like a long time, it just isn’t.
I’m having this stupid little bit of panic about what to wear for Showcase. I may try to get the buttons on the vest altered a bit or I might just bag it and wear a dress shirt. Except that I don’t own a basic black one. Or a plain white one which is what OwnerGuy thinks I should wear for one of the routines. I was out doing some shopping today and had no luck which just makes me freak out a little bit more. Yeah, its a stupid problem but its all I’ve got.
I normally get into a bit of a panic before Showcase and I think that’s what is starting now. I don’t know why this one feels just a little bit different. Like the “fight or flight” is kicking in for some reason and I’m entertaining thoughts of just bailing on the whole thing. Don’t know why. Just don’t feel really ready for anything right now.
Also because I’m kind of feeling like I’m at a crossroads in my dancing right now. I’ve had a couple of great coaching lessons and they were able to make things work pretty well. But that doesn’t carry over into the grind of the lessons.
Maybe it also comes down to what’s next. If I get through Showcase, where do we go from here. Keep working on the Silver III stuff and check out of that level? I suppose but that’s not really a big driver for me. But I’m sure I’d need to do that to start adding Silver VI stuff to my patterns. So I’d be looking at another six months of doing these same patterns which doesn’t sound like a lot of fun. Certainly there are things that could be improved but I’m not entirely sure JoNY has a clear idea of what those are.
Would they create open routines for me? Well that could be fun but, again, what would be the point. I just don’t know that I could really justify the expense of going to a comp so when would I use them? I don’t know. My only real goal has been to go as far as I could and maybe, with the current situation, I’m about there. Maybe not. Just don’t need to have these thoughts in my head when I’m trying to get ready for a Showcase. Begone you bad thoughts.
Then again, it is hard to try and be the sunny optimist when you just don’t feel good so there’s that to deal with.
Saw a Facebook post from someone I used to work with. They are in Paris. I was trying to remember if I knew that they were going and I think I did. But it makes me realize how disconnected I’ve become from the people I used to work with. I mean when you see someone on a daily basis, you know a lot about what’s going on in their world. Since we’ve scattered to the winds, I get glimpses of things like facebook posts and sometimes text messages from those still looking for another job.
To be clear, I don’t miss the work environment at all. The place had become a toxic mess. But I’m missing the people more than I really thought I would. Maybe this is just another phase of the whole retirement game trying to recreate a new life and new patterns while missing what used to be.
Yeah, this has been a bit of a downer. I guess there’s just a lot of stuff swirling around in my head and the cold/allergies aren’t helping my general mood. I think I’ll just call it a day here and go check on dinner.