Money Problems

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(Note: This is not intended as a serious critique of another country’s system of currency. Just some mostly satiric observations)

Canada – we have to talk about your money.

For one thing, it’s plastic. What’s up with that? Yes I’m sure you can go on and on about how it is cheaper and harder to counterfeit and so on but its still plastic. It doesn’t feel like money! Its way to slick.

Now, I know we are moving towards a cashless society and you can use cards everywhere but handing someone cash is generally still faster and easier. Plus, you pay in cash and you don’t leave a trail for the algorithms to find.

So, for most small purchases, I’m a cash guy. And I’m super lazy about counting out bills. That’s why I go to the bank machine and get a bunch of $20s and use them for everything. When those are gone, I start with the tens. Sooner or later, I end up with a wallet full of ones and have to start using them. That’s when people wonder what I do on the side to have that many ones. Keeps em guessing.

Change is useless. I just take it home and dump it out on my dresser and then put it into the sorter. I’ve got a whole stash of change somewhere that I probably should take to a bank at some point. Its probably going to be after I’m gone that someone is going through the house and finds thousands of dollars in change.

And that brings me to my second problem with you, Canada. You got rid of dollar bills so the smallest bill is a five. Plus, you added some large two-toned $2 coin. So I start paying with the bigger bills and suddenly I’ve got a pocket full of these heavy coins dragging me down. I was glad we went to a couple of places that had parking meters because that was about the only way to be rid of some of it. But it keeps coming back!

And, yes, at some places, I could pay in US dollars. But they give you the change in Canadian and it is all coins! I’m sitting here with four of your $2 coins and they are seriously weighing me down. Plus, with all the assorted quarters and dimes, I’m fricking jingling when I walk and that just shouldn’t happen.

Oh, and you got rid of the penny but prices are still to the penny. I guess that’s for those who have embraced the cashless system and use plastic everywhere. Fortunately, I’m not one of those people trying to keep track of whether I’ve been rounded up more than rounded down. I will say that I’m actually happy about this because I get tired of pennies in the states.

Money problems!


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