So what should one wear to a firing? I was actually thinking about that today. Its a silly thing but it is the type of thing that goes through your mind. As I walked out today, I realized that this could be the last day I walk out as an employee. Well, they’d probably let me hang around for a bit but it would be different.
I think one of the first things I’d do is clean out my closet. See there are all these things I need to get to but when I’m away from work I just want to have fun so I tend to avoid the stuff that doesn’t sound like fun. Except for paying bills. It isn’t fun but there are consequences to not paying them. The only consequence to my closet is that the shelf is full of stuff I never wear anymore. Isn’t it nice to have such lofty goals?
There’s a strange kind of calm over me. I still worry about those on my team with families and a longer career ahead of them. But if my number is up, I’ve made my peace with it. I’m probably getting ahead of myself but work makes you responsible. You can have fun but it still generally requires you to be an adult. Maybe I’m just tired of that.
I read a description of INFP’s that included the line “Being half child, half ancient”. Tis a strange combination but it seems to fit. I’m the type that likes to brush my hand against the various flowers and plants on the way to the fitness center just to see how they feel. Most people walk by with their heads glued to their phone screens. Work makes me more ancient. Its all that responsibility that grates on you. Maybe it is time to shrug it all off and see what comes next. I mean why else we were saving so hard if it wasn’t to be able to leave work a little earlier than most people.
Here’s another thing about INFP’s that I’ve read which rings so true. When we are inspired, it is hard to stop us. Give us something that is drudgery and we’ll drag out feet forever. When work was humming and it was busy and we were doing meaningful stuff, it was fun to come in even when it was busy. That’s not the case anymore and it makes it hard to go to work. I’ve kind of lost my passion for the place and I don’t know if I can get it back. Perhaps that is another sign that it is time to go.
I’ve never defined myself by what I do and I’ve never been the person who wanted to advance because moving up the ladder required dedicating more of myself to the job. My old boss would bring it up from time to time to talk about succession planning and I’d always say “no thanks”. Titles don’t impress me much. It has always been about the intrinsic value that I get from what we do. Again, that is mostly gone and it doesn’t leave me a lot of reasons to continue.
Now here comes the fun part. What happens if I’m not on the list? See, now I’m thinking that might be the worst option. All of what I said above still applies and, from what leadership is saying, we aren’t going to be starting a lot of new and exciting stuff in our area. More managing the legacy stuff which doesn’t really speak to me. So do I just retire and be done with it and live without the nice severance? I mean that might be best for my mental health but maybe not as great for the finances. Not to mention that closet that needs to be cleaned out.
It is unfortunate that they don’t offer early retirement like other companies have. Not really sure why but it just isn’t their style. That would really be the best situation. They clear the decks and people get to walk out with some dignity. There is a difference between being a retiree and being a downsizee. (Not really a word but just go with me here)
But the reality is that I can’t change whatever decision has already been made. Tomorrow could be an interesting day. I do kind of need to push that aside for now because I have dancing tonight. Got to work on that Mambo for check out on Saturday.
Either way, I’ll certainly have something to talk about tomorrow. Stay tuned.