A Simple Ending but Complicated Memories

Yesterday I was making something that required saffron. There was just enough saffron left for that final dish and then the bottle was empty. On one hand, the bottle wasn’t special. It was just a typical bottle you’d get in most grocery stores. On the other hand, it was special.

When we moved Dad into assisted living, we knew he wasn’t coming back to the house. Mom had already been gone a few years so we had to do some clean up and that included getting rid of whatever was food items left in the refrigerator and pantry.

That also meant cleaning out Mom’s spices. Most of it was stuff we already had and didn’t need more of so out it went. But there was that saffron. Now it hadn’t been used in several years and I have no idea when it was purchased so it wasn’t going to be full potency. But something within me just said I had to take it.

That is the jar that I emptied last night.

Should be simple to just toss it away and move on but it felt like I was closing a door or severing a link back to something. You really never know what’s going to trigger memories.

The problem with remembering past events is that some parts are clear and others get lost in time. Maybe we choose to remember just the best or important parts. I don’t know.

I do know that sometime back when I was in elementary school, we had a project on spices. I can’t remember which grade I was in or why we were studying spices. I do remember that I had to put together a little display showing various spices and what they might be used for.

Of course, I needed Mom’s help for that and she was more than happy to help. Going to her cabinet and pulling out all the various spices with most of them being in small metal tins. Some of those tins had certainly seen better days. Mom didn’t believe in throwing food out so she’d use it until it was gone.

So I got little plastic packets of cinnamon, ginger, cloves, nutmeg, mace, sage and so on. Stapled them to my piece of stiff paper stock and wrote down what they were and what you might use them for. Mom had to provide those answers as well because I wasn’t cooking or baking in elementary school.

Then, she brought out the saffron. Only a couple of threads because it was so expensive (she explained why). I remember her saying that I was probably the only one who was going to have saffron. Whether I was or wasn’t is lost to time though. I think I kept my little spice project for a bit – tacked up on a bulletin board in my room but, again, what happened to it a mystery.

Now the only thing I remember her actually doing with the saffron was making saffron rice. You do have to understand that my parents were feeding four kids on one salary until my youngest sister was old enough that Mom decided to go back to work full time. So we weren’t eating gourmet stuff. I remember many nights of tuna noodle casserole and a salmon croquet dish (canned salmon) with a cheese sauce. Spaghetti was also common and Mom did make the best garlic bread.

But on those night when she was tired of just plain rice, she’d break out the saffron and turn the plain boring rice into a tasty treat with a beautiful yellow color. Those were the days you come to the table asking what was for dinner and be excited about what was about to be served.

I suspect she used some other things as well. Maybe cooking the rice with chicken broth. I don’t know though because it never occurred to me to ask for the recipe although Mom just had a habit of not really following a recipe so it might have just been in her head. I’ve tried to replicate it and have failed to capture what I remember. So that saffron rice, like other things, is now lost to time.

I did have other saffron I could have used and I actually thought about it and maybe setting that bottle aside. But I’m sure Mom would have said that was silly and the saffron should be used. So I did and now it is all gone.

Side note – this blog remains mostly closed unless something strikes a chord and I decided I need to get some thoughts out there. Didn’t expect an empty spice jar to do that but there you go.