Just Walk Away

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So I walked away from Studio B and the Showcase last night.  The studio had sent me a blank entry form earlier in the week and it was due but every time I went to fill it out, I started to get a knot in my stomach.  For some reason, instead of being excited and happy, I was feeling stressed and anxious about this event.  And I just decided I needed to listen to my body and what it was trying to tell me.

I know I vented quite a bit about the last lesson and I introduced the fact that I was thinking of skipping the Showcase.  I would say that was simply the straw that broke the camel’s back.  (I hate that phrase because I think about the poor camel)

While I did enjoy the lessons, I haven’t been completely truthful with you the last couple of months.  I started to get these feelings of not wanting to be there as I was driving to the lesson and I caught myself looking at the clock more often during lessons waiting for it to be over.  Plus, I didn’t take the time outside of lessons to work on things like I’ve done in the past.  I think this has been building for awhile and it just came to a head when I had to actually commit to doing the Showcase.

Can I say that the last seven months haven’t been a whole lot of fun.  Starting with the firings at work and then my Mom and then the issues with Dad and dealing with lots of other change at work and then Kid T leaving.  That’s a lot to take in a short period of time and I think part of me was trying to escape into dance.  Just keep dancing and keep busy and the ugly stuff in real life fades away.  Except it doesn’t.

The thing about Kid T leaving is that it made me start to question where I was going and what I wanted out of ballroom.  I still don’t have any answers.  But, as I think I said in the last post, working with the coach at Studio B was a double edged sword.  On the plus side, I learned a lot about leading and that was great.  The down side is that I started to wonder when I’d ever be able to use any of that given that I’m kind of starting over at the Famous Franchise.

And then there’s the thing about taking four lessons a week at two studios.  I think I was getting a little burned out and the last thing I wanted to do was to turn something I love into a chore that I’d hate.

I guess the simplest answer is that my heart wasn’t in it.  I could have gone and done the routines but I don’t think I would be giving it my best effort and I didn’t want that.  Its a bit abrupt and strange I know but it felt like the right decision.

I kind of took the introvert’s way out and did it through email and a text message.  I know but I’m just not the type who can pick up the phone and words come easier when I write them.  Mindy seemed to understand and we left it that maybe when I get my head together that we could work on something else in the future.

This is not the end of dancing because I’m still at the Famous Franchise although I’ve reduced my footprint there as well.  But it is an end to my two studio experiment (at least for now).

 

6 comments

  1. I completely understand what you are feeling as thru the ups and downs of dancing I often wonder what I’m going to do with all these steps and dances. Then I have a huge break thru and understand that I’m just doing it for myself.

    1. You got it. I’ve got all these things I can do but not a lot of opportunities to use them. I need to figure out where I really want to go from here.

  2. You have had a rough few months. Maybe a break from dance for a little bit is what you need. Who knows you may come back to it stronger than ever or maybe you will discover something new. Either way it’s best to take some time for yourself to recharge. 😄

  3. Your experiences, feelings and actions sometimes seem to originate from my own head — I’ve changed studios, floundered endlessly about staying with dance or just giving it up and yes, I actually decided not to show up for a showcase. I want to say something to you, but not right now. I need to digest and reflect and find the right words–but in the interim, kudos to you for having the wisdom to listen to your inner whisperings.

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