Up and Down, Give and Take

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Well it was a good news/bad news couple of days and none of the ups and downs involved dancing.  There was dancing and I’ll get to that.

Friday, the boss has an impromptu meeting with me.  She was off that day but had come in to run and knew I was an early riser so she shows up at my office early in the day with news of the impending layoffs.  Well, I think she wanted to tell me that, as far as she knew, I was safe.  She left a caveat but I don’t think she would say anything if there was doubt.

In an earlier meeting, she had pressed me to give her four names.  I gave her multiple options and scenarios but eventually provided the four.  And it looks like they will be the people I lose in the restructuring.

This is information I’d rather not have.  It puts me in a serious moral dilemma.  I have always told people I would be up front with them and tell them what I know.  But this is not the sort of news you are supposed to lead.  Besides, what if something changes.  But I can’t pretend that I know nothing because I can’t honestly look someone in the eye and let them go and tell them I had no part in it.  No, I had no part in the number and I wasn’t part of any of the discussions but I provided the names so I’m guilty as hell.

And I also have to act as if nothing is different.  People are so attuned to your actions and words that they are looking for subtleties and things that are out of place.  I can’t walk around ignoring people on the list since that will make it obvious.  On the other hand, it feels totally fake and wrong to just be having casual conversations with people when I might be letting them go the next day.  The bottom line is I took this job and this is one of the responsibilities that comes with it so I can’t shirk it.  I’m just not sure yet how to align it so that I’m consistent with my values.

The good news was that we went to a wedding on Saturday.  It was a friend of mine from work who has moved up the corporate food chain and is totally safe from the developments in our division – in case you were curious.  He’s actually taken a big promotion and now works far away from us so being in a different division and not right next door, I don’t have a lot of chances to interact anymore which is kind of a bummer.

There was just something nice about watching two people start a life together.  There is just so much happiness and joy from them and from friends and family and it was a nice change from the doom and gloom at work.

The person officiating the wedding gave a little reading with five L’s for a successful marriage.  In no particular order, they were:  Listen, Learn, Labor, Laugh and Love.

Something about seeing people starting off and hearing the words and you think about how true it is in your own relationship.  I’m assuming every marriage has some ups and downs because it is not easy to take two people and have them forge a life together.  Add kids to the mix and you create something that can easily go wrong.

And I’m certainly not going to claim to have a perfect marriage.  I’m not sure such a thing exists.  But it feels like the important thing is to always grow together.  Nobody stays in one place.  As the years go by, the person you married is not the same.  Life events change us all.  As silly as it sounds, you have to keep falling in love with your significant other or else you will grow apart and your life together will be a sham.  Sometimes, life changes someone so much that it isn’t possible to keep loving them.  It would seem to be best to leave rather than continue to stay out of some misplaced obligation.  I have listened to people at work talk about their marriage and their frustrations and I wonder if they have any happy moments together.  Because, if you don’t, then what’s the point.

Well, I didn’t come her to give you relationship advice.  Just being around a wedding makes me think about things like this.  Everyone starts out happy but not everyone ends up happy.  Certainly hope for nothing but happiness for these two.

Oh, and the dancing, you ask?  Well there was a band and they played a few songs worth dancing to.  It was actually my wife’s suggestion since I thought she had hung up her dancing shoes and I didn’t bring it up.  Neither of us were wearing proper shoes and she hadn’t danced since my sister’s wedding two years ago so I stuck with mostly basics but we did a couple of hustles, a couple of cha-cha, some rumbas and a fox trot.  The Fox Trot was fun because we just did basics around the outside of the floor while everyone else was just kind of in the middle swaying.  There were photographers walking around the floor and it seemed like we were always in the camera because by the time they got around the floor, we were right there.

I saw a lot of people sitting on the sidelines.  Wanted to tell them to go take some dance lessons. Much better to be on the floor trying than sitting on the sidelines wishing.

Oh, and for those of you in the village – we were probably off time a bit and our frame and posture wasn’t there but we got lots of compliments.  Funny how good you can look to those who have never taken any lessons.

So it was a bad end to the week but a good weekend.  Who knows what next week will bring???

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