Better Than I Think

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Just  a little something to cap off the week.  This is a message I need to tell myself from time to time.  But, I’m not going to jump right in.

It kind of started on my lesson on Thursday.  Actually, it was before my lesson.  As I arrived at the studio, Kid T was on her lesson with a newer couple.  They had just finished some work on hustle and she asked me to come out just to demonstrate some turns for them.  I’ve done hustle in the past but it isn’t currently one of my dances.  Still, I knew enough to execute a variety of turns.

It was very much like a scene from Shall We Dance, where Richard Gere and the other two have just finished their first lesson and the instructor calls J Lo and her partner over to demonstrate what a Waltz could look like down the road.  I believe this couple had taken a couple of lessons before a wedding and were deciding whether to continue so Kid T was giving them a glimpse of the future.  Kind of the carrot to dangle in front of them in the hopes that they can be hit with the big stick and sign up for more lessons.

Still, based on their comments, they seemed impressed.  Going back to my cracked lens thing (which probably doesn’t make much sense but it was all I had at the time), they look at me and see a good dancer.  Why can’t I?

On the lesson, she was telling me about how her new students all think the world of me.  (Seems like it was build up D Wall night)  And, as I thought about it, I know there is the one newer student who may have something of a dance crush on me.  By that, I mean he really seems to enjoy watching me and he’s usually the first to tell me how well something I did went.  Again, he looks at me and sees a good dancer.  Why can’t I?

Well there are many reasons for that but one thing is I’ve managed to interpret “good” as either “perfect” or “the best”.  The first is not an achievable goal and the second really isn’t a reasonable goal.  But, I can think about in terms of sports.  If I’ve done my math correctly, there are 750 roster spots for major league baseball.  There are just a few really elite players in the league but there are lots of good players.  Players you would be happy if your team traded for.

And some of my issues are bound up in my personality type where even acknowledging that you have some talent sounds like boasting or bragging and I literally fight with myself over that.  I don’t want to sound boastful so every compliment is met with a joke or I drop into my “I’m not worthy” pose and start to point out my flaws and how I’m not perfect so how can I really be any good.

Screw that!  At least for today, that dog don’t hunt.  I’m good at this!  In fact, I’m damn good at this.  I’ve worked my butt off for this but I also have some level of ability and affinity for this.  I’m a damn good dancer!  Yes, there are things that can be better.  That will always be true but it does not take away from what I am.  And that is a good dancer.

OK, motivation stuff is over.  Now go have a nice weekend.



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