Viewed Through a Cracked Lens

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I’m working out with TrainerGuy2 today.  It was supposed to be TrainerGuy3 but he was missing in action.  I was curious but sometimes you ask and you find out that they are no longer there and TrainerGuy2 said something that made me think it was just a one day thing, so I left it at that.

TrainerGuy2 pushes a bit harder.  He’s not the bouncy, outgoing extrovert that TrainerGuy3 is but he just has a way of keeping you going.  I’ve sort of wondered why they both seem to push harder than the original TrainerGuy and there are times when I’m struggling to get through something that I want to say “Hey I’m just a desk jockey who dances a little bit, can you back it down a bit”

Today, a stronger thought just came into my mind.  They’ve only seen me since I started working out with TrainerGuy.  My entire past history of being seriously overweight and with no real upper body strength to speak of it not part of their experience.  They know nothing about it so it doesn’t define me for them.  What defines me is what they see now and what they see now is someone who is capable of what they throw at me.

Then, I realized that this is true in all aspects of my life.  I was in group class last night at the studio and one of the new couples was there next to me and at one point, he says to the group that he’s got the best position because he can just watch me do the step and try to copy what I do.

See, he sees me as more fully formed dancer and someone to emulate.  He has no concept of me starting out and being where he was and being the type of person who walked off many a group class (well maybe not THAT many) when I wasn’t getting something.  He probably can’t picture me as an inexperience dancer going through much of what he is going through right now.

And, then a third thing just popped into my head.  My team at work is made up of people who were colleagues when I got the job and people I’ve hired since I started.  So the people I’ve hired only know me as “the boss”.  They have no frame of reference of me as a non-boss.  Those who have been around longer know me from back when.  And sometimes it makes a difference in how they act around me because they’ve never known me as the non boss.

See people intersect your life at different points in time.  They can eventually come to hear stories about your life before they came into the picture but it won’t resonate the same way as people who remember you from that time.  They will really only know the you from the moment you met forward.

And yet, we know our whole life arc and it is so easy to get trapped in the past.  To maybe stay stuck in a part of your life when things weren’t as good and to believe that is who you still are.  Or maybe you don’t get stuck there but maybe, when something doesn’t go well, you can revert back to that time and start to believe that you are still that person trapped back there.  Of course, you could also just be the type of person who never has any doubts or issues with this stuff.  If so, please don’t tell me, because I might have to hate you. 🙂

Not sure there is a good point here.  Maybe it is this.  Want to know who you are know.  Put some weight on the people who have recently come into your life.  They don’t see the baggage you might be carrying around.  They just see you for who you are now.


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