You have to love dancing to stick to it. It gives you nothing back, no manuscripts to store away, no paintings to show on walls and maybe hang in museums, no poems to be printed and sold, nothing but that single fleeting moment when you feel alive.
Yes, I’ve used this quote before but I felt it was appropriate to bring it back. I should also mention that winter has made a bit of a comeback in my part of the country. No more springlike days for a bit. We aren’t getting snow but the temps are back to near freezing like they are supposed to be. The sky has been grey and lifeless for the better part of this week. Cold and no sun is a bad combination for me.
Then, there is the uncertainty factor. While I don’t share the near apocalyptic version of the future that many seem to hold (and seem to enjoy freely sharing on Facebook), this is an administration totally unlike others and I do have some concerns about how all this is going to turn out. We are also in a point at work where the future is hazy and not well defined. I’ve got people coming to me looking for clarity and all I can do is commiserate with the angst they feel. But each day leaves me wanting to find a way to escape from all of this.
That is what dancing has been but it is becoming less and less of that for me. Not that the lessons this week have gone bad. I’ve had good lessons at both studios this week and dances are coming together. But it is more of a grind than something that elevates me. There are small successes where a part clicks into place but there have been none of those fleeting moments that the quote describes. And, like a junkie, I need a fix.
Right now, the only real source of escape has been my work outs with TrainerGuy. Not that I get any real fleeting moments there either but when I’m pushing my body, there isn’t really time to think about all the unsettling things in the world. It forces me to stay in the present and it also doesn’t allow me to escape into my thoughts. And, even though I walk out of there feeling a little beaten up, it is clear that I’ve actually accomplished something.
But that’s why I haven’t posted anything in the last couple of days. Couldn’t really find an interesting angle to discuss the lessons.
It was like when I stopped in at my nightly coffee shop and one of the bouncy young ladies was asking what I had been up to. Think she was hoping I’d come up with something exciting but, really there was nothing. Its not like I’m not doing anything but all I’ve been doing is the same thing. Wake up, go to work, go to dance lesson, come home, go to bed. All kind of drab and colorless like the weather.
Not really sad or unhappy right now. Just kind of muted grey when things are normally in bright colors for me. (Or seriously dark tones because I go there from time to time). Grey doesn’t really suit me though so I never really stay in this place too long. It has just been a weird week.
Last lesson of the week tonight followed by an open house at the studio. Perhaps I’ll have something interesting to tell you later.