When I started at Studio B, I was learning dances that I really hadn’t focused on before so it wasn’t as ego crushing. Now, we are working on dances that I do at the Famous Franchise and it is so clear there is a difference in the focus. The Famous Franchise was more about steps and patterns and then we’ve moved into frame and other things. At Studio B, there is some on the choreography but it is so much technique.
I will admit that it was difficult for me last night. The more Mindy kept correcting me, the more I was like “shouldn’t I know this stuff already”. At times, I felt like a beginner who didn’t know anything. I wanted to go grab my critiques from the last Showcase and tell her “See, other people like what I do”. When you are being corrected on almost every step, it can be seriously deflating.
I did try to keep a different mind set. It is not that I’m a bad dancer. It is just that I can be so much better with just a little more focus on body movement. At one point, she said something similar. But, I have issues with taking criticism anyway because it just becomes so easy to retreat to that place where I just assume I suck and from there it is an short trip to “why bother-ville” where I just wonder what the heck I’m doing wasting everyone’s time.
Trying to keep an open mind and a positive attitude, in several places it was just a small bit of additional rotation. Just bringing my left side around a fraction of a bit more to allow her to finish her move. Getting fully on to a foot and holding it just a bit longer again to let her complete what she’s doing. In theory, I’d be able to feel what she’s doing and that would guide me to how far I need to go, but we ain’t there yet. There is just too much going through my mind for me to relax and try to feel more. Still having to think way too much.
And, it is stuff I’ve heard at the Famous Franchise but they are just inconsistent in how they teach it. I guess there are other things they focus on so the stuff about body position kind of gets pushed to the side. At Studio B, it is front and center and the focus of everything we do.
So the lesson was basically like this. She’d show me a step. I’d try to do it. I’d be in the wrong position and she’d tell me I was wrong. I’d try to focus on making it right but something else would be wrong and she’d call me on it. And it was all this super frustrating stuff – with her saying things like “I just need a little more of xxx”. And I’m thinking that my body is already twisted in strange position so how do I move one part without messing up some other part that seemed to be in the right place.
I guess I should say that the overall good news is that while I teetered on the edge there for a minute or two, I never actually plunged into the chasm of despair. The demons were basically kept at bay although I could hear them shouting in my head.
Have to remember. What I do is good. But it can be improved. That is all we are doing here. It is like I’ve said before. We are just adding on a sun room. We aren’t tearing the whole house down. Even though it feels like it at times.
I did sign up for more lessons at Studio B. As painful and deflating as this is, I figure it is going to make me better and that’s what I’m trying to do. Just wish it wasn’t so painful. Again, she wouldn’t be pushing so hard if she didn’t think I could do this. Right???