I was driving to my lesson at Studio B and I was rolling over in my head what we could work on next. I was actually weighing the pros and cons of continuing to commit to both studios. I came up with an idea that it might be good for me to work on some smooth dances since that really doesn’t appear to be where Kid T’s strengths are. It would be an opportunity to get more feedback and practice with my frame and other things.
Turns out Mindy had a similar idea because she tossed out Fox Trot and Quickstep although I think it is the Standard versions and not the American versions I do at the Famous Franchise. Still, there is a lot I can get from it so it seemed like a step in the right direction. I told you before that there is the super good instructor there and she offered up the idea of having him show up once in awhile for supplemental coaching. It all sounds great in theory.
In practice, it wasn’t all lollipops and kittens. We weren’t doing a particularly difficult step but there was an intense focus on technique which was more than just posture and frame. Not saying that’s a bad thing but there were these phrases tossed out like “soften into your knees”. I’ve heard that at the Famous Franchise before and it is just words. I sort of figured it out but I can never be sure. It is one of those things that I can’t quite feel to know that I’m doing the right thing and if I can’t feel the difference, I can’t lock into the right thing.
As an aside, I’m having the same thing with something TrainerGuy is trying to get me to do. When I hit these things in either dancing or fitness, it frustrates the hell out of me. It is like I’m hearing words but they are in a foreign language that I can’t comprehend. And it is a language my body doesn’t speak. I try to consciously focus on what they want but I can’t wrap my mind around what I’m supposed to do. Last night, Mindy was explaining it over and over again and it still wasn’t clicking. It does get to the point where I really just want to scream “I hear what you are saying but I have no freaking clue how to make it happen!!!”
Before we did Quickstep, she wanted to know if I’ve done that before. I didn’t really answer because the correct answer was “Yes, I’ve done Quickstep but it is the Famous Franchise version and I’m sure it won’t live up to the standards you are going for”. I’m sure if that one instructor saw me, he would dismiss my attempts to Quickstep because it isn’t remotely close to competition type Quickstep which is what it feels like Mindy is after.
I tell myself that this is a challenge and a choice. Stretching myself is a good thing and I will learn things there that I can apply and it will make me a better dancer. And it is still my choice. I can walk away at any time and stay at the Famous Franchise. So I shouldn’t be so freaked out about this. But it comes down to me not liking to be a student. I hate the vulnerability and it brings up all the doubt where I tell myself I’m never going to master what they want. Long term it will be fine. Short term, I’ve got new demons to deal with.
The same is true at the Famous Franchise. We’ve got both the Waltz open routine that the coach came up with and the open Mambo that OwnerGuy is supposedly doing. Right now, we just have two little bits of Mambo and I don’t really like either one. We start back to back with our arms crossed which is supposed to look cool and casual I guess. Some people can pull that off. I’m not one of them. And they want sharp movement and all I can see now is how silly I’m going to look trying to make that work. Yeah, it is the same story in both places. Show me something new and my first thought is going to be that I can’t do it. I do want growth but growth is painful and I hate the pain. The end product just seems so far from where we are and it means back to the grind to learn all the little details.
Yes, it is a new challenge and it will be a good thing. It is just that this part at the beginning of the learning cycle always sucks for me. It is so hard to just take a step back and realize that I haven’t missed a hurdle yet. It may take awhile, but there is nothing they’ve thrown at me that I haven’t been able to do eventually. But that is thinking logically and right now I’m just reacting emotionally because it is all hard and it is pushing me out my comfort zone. Ah well, such is life.
A little life interlude here. I take my shirts to the dry cleaner and they managed to lose about six of them. Turns out that someone just walked off the job in the middle of a shift and some glitch occurred. Don’t know what happened. Maybe this guy really liked the shirts and he walked off with them.
Now, I’m mad about this. Since I’ve lost the weight, I’ve felt more like showing off so I’ve intentionally picked a certain brand of shirts that has brighter colors and different patterns. But the patterns are seasonal and don’t come back which means I won’t be able to replace these shirts. I can buy different ones but I won’t get the exact same ones back. I know the place will come through with the money for replacement (they won’t like the fact that these aren’t cheap shirts). But I still have the hassle of going out and trying to find replacements. I doubt I’ll find six shirts in one trip so it means several trips.
But, try as a I might, I can’t bring myself to unload on the young lady behind the counter who had to tell me on Saturday and then had to call me today. I know it wasn’t her fault and yelling at her wouldn’t make the shirts appear. It might make me feel better for a moment but why make someone else feel bad when it really won’t accomplish anything.
I say all that and then I wonder if I’m really just being too nice. Does it make it easier for people to walk over me if I don’t push back because I really just kind of believe that stuff happens and you deal with it. Am I just too afraid of conflict to stand up for myself and I rationalize it by saying I’m being nice? Oh well, nothing to be done now.