Now Panic and Freak Out

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The title of this post is an actual title of a little book that was a riff on the whole “Keep Calm and Carry On”.  It was actually a present from Z before a Showcase back in the better days.  I hang on to it because I can be overly sentimental amount things.  Well, maybe not so much the things but the memories and feeling they bring back.

The Showcases are coming up.  I’ve got two good weeks of practice in and then it is time to dance.  I am starting to think that having five solo routines spaced across two nights at two different locations with three instructors might have been a tad bit ambitious.

How do I get myself into these situations?  This is what happens when you don’t have a clear plan.  When you just go from event to event just living for the experiences.  After all, how could I say no to Studio B.  It might be a fun experience.  At least that’s the part of me that signs up for things like this.  Then, the other part of me screams “YOU IDIOT”, what the heck are you doing to us.  What happens if you fall on your face in front of all those people.  Actually, if that were to happen at Studio B, I’d just leave and never see any of them again so nothing lost.

I’m trying to focus on the good.  I did go through and force myself to transcribe all the notes I made about the two dances so I could visualize the parts and make little notes to myself about where I still needed more detail.  It seems to help with one dance as Mindy made a comment about it.  The other one wasn’t as good.  I’m stuck because at one speed, it is too slow and I get ahead of the music.  Speed it up and I can’t think fast enough and I get behind the music.

I guess I should force myself to accept one thing.  Even though there were bobbles in both, we did manage to keep going and get back to a place where we could reset and keep going.  I know I won’t fool any pros in this audience but I might make some of the other students think I know what I’m doing.

I know, I know, I shouldn’t care what anyone else thinks.  I should dance for me and just be happy about it.  Blah, blah, blah.  No, it is good advice but I have issues taking good advice from time to time.

Short post just to recap tonight.  Just a little stressed out about this Showcase because it is new.  I’ve done the Famous Franchise enough to know what to expect and I know a lot of the people.  Here, I don’t really know many of the other students and I really don’t know how the night is going to break down.  That plus some performance anxiety and I’m kind of a mess right now.

2 comments

  1. Wall – Do you skulk over to the other studio under cover of darkness, or are the FF folks aware you’re going off the reservation?
    I fessed up about taking leading lessons elsewhere, and while I’m certainly not being encouraged or supported, I don’t feel that I’m in the doghouse, either.

    1. Definitely keeping it a secret! It means I have to exclude certain days but I’m still taking a number of lessons at the FF so what they don’t know won’t hurt them.

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