Still not in the best of moods. Let’s just say there is a lot of negative energy out there and it takes a toll. Boy, that sounded kind of new-agey, didn’t it. But there is something making these posts harder. I reach in to form a thought and it just doesn’t really solidify into anything.
I did want to briefly revisit the whole introverted feeling thing again. Ironically, after I did that post, I had a person on my team send me a link to an article comparing INFP and INFJ. She and I are big MBTI nerds and she’s INFJ so we share things like that.
This was talking about how we as INFPs tend to want validation and it gave this description of introverted feeling and the decision making process. Read this and kind of felt like Charlie Brown in the Christmas special where Lucy asks if he has pantophobia and he screams “THAT’S IT” and she flips over backward into a snowbank.
So, if it’s not full understanding an INFP wants, what is it that they’re seeking?
Imagine that the criteria you use to make all of your decision is perpetually questioned by nearly every person you encounter. And now add to that the phenomenon that you usually don’t know the best decision to make until after you’ve already made it. To put a cherry on top, it’s based on something you can’t possibly explain to another person (because it has no language) AND once you know the right decision, you know it with such certainty that you would die for it.
But you still can’t quite explain it beyond, “It just FEELS right.”
It’s extremely easy for people of other types to marginalize this process, and nothing is more maddening to have your mental wiring – one of the primary sources of ‘identity’ – marginalized.
Just so you know that when I say “It just FEELS right”, there’s a heck of lot more going on under the surface but I’m going to struggle to explain it to you.
Alright, let’s deal with dancing. Had a lesson at Studio B last night. I get there and there is another student who just finished up a lesson and I ask her what dance she’s doing. She then guesses what I’m doing and I tell her that I’m doing what she guessed plus another and her response is “you’re such an overachiever.”
It was said in jest so I didn’t have an issue with it except that I started to wonder how I got myself into this situation. Seriously, what kind of person agrees to do two new routines in a relatively short period of time and knowing that they can only have one lesson a week. A glutton for punishment? I suppose part of it is the inability to say no and close out an option. It would have been better to have focused on one dance because it would be in tip top shape now. But I couldn’t decide because choosing one would close the door to the other and I didn’t know which one was going to better. Heck, if asked me to chose one now, I couldn’t do it because there are parts of both I like.
We did both to music and they are rough in places but there are spots where I can fake my way through and get back on track. One problem is that two Mondays from now is Halloween and I can’t do a lesson so we have to find a time to fit another one in but then it also runs up against my decision to carve out non dance time on weekends. So we’ll see how it goes. I can tell Mindy is a little nervous about that and probably afraid I’ll forget everything and screw things up at Showcase. Well, it could happen. On the other hand, I’ve got enough of it committed to memory that I can probably fake my way through it if I needed to.
I am having some doubts about Mindy and just wondering how long I want to continue this. Again, this is more of those vague “something doesn’t feel right” things that I can’t quantify but its there. You can learn to dance from anyone but when you’re doing pro/am, you really need to click with your instructor. We just haven’t gotten to that point yet. I sense frustration from her when I mess things up because there are parts that I have small mental blocks with and we need to stop and break them down to find a way for me to work through it. I think at this stage, she probably expected me to be farther along. Like I said, it is nothing I can really put a finger on so we’ll have to see what happens.
Tonight, I have to go back to the Famous Franchise. Hopefully, they will not bring Thursday up because I really don’t want to have a conversation about that. I will probably have to pay for Showcase as well and that brings up another case of me having trouble saying no. I may reduce the number of heats I’m doing with Sunny. I signed up for 3 Quicksteps plus the routine but I may dial that back a bit. Concerned about the Argentine Tango since she promised something more exciting than that last one but haven’t seen any signs of it.
I have serious doubts about Sunny. She has a lot to learn about dealing with people. There are times when it comes out like she’s talking to a child. I know that is not intentional but it does bug me. In retrospect, I’m not sure that it was a good idea to let a very inexperienced teacher deal with an advanced student like me. You can’t teach every student the same way and you can’t teach an advanced student like they are a beginner. I don’t have a lot of ego but I have a certain skill set and I don’t like being talked to like it is my first dance lesson.
The other problem is that a lot of what she says and does sounds forced and rehearsed. Like she’s looked at some Famous Franchise manual under the chapter for difficult students. “If your student does X, then you do Y”. Sorry, I want real interaction and not someone trying to read a script. I’m usually pretty good at seeing through people.
Which gets to other issue I’ve brought up before. Don’t act like an expert when you aren’t. The most real thing she ever said to me was something like she’s learning this along with me. That’s OK. I know how long she’s been dancing. I suspect she’s looked at all the Famous Franchise Quickstep vidoes and worked some with OwnerGuy but, we are still not talking about a wealth of experience. So just admit that and be real about it. Stop trying so hard to impress me with how much you know because it isn’t working. The reason I wanted to do this is because I got the sense that she was really eager and excited to do Quickstep with. Let’s build on that. Sure, she’s still the teacher but much more like a TA and not a fully tenured pH D.
So, it is a bit of a dilemma. I should be getting into the excited phase about the upcoming Showcases. But questions of what to do in the future seem to be creeping in. I think you’ve seen the show before where I start having questions about an instructor and then it takes several months of brooding to do something about it. I guess I have to get through both Showcases and see how they go and then start figuring out what to do.