Chips Ahoy – You’ve Gone Too Far

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Well, I’m in the grocery store on Saturday morning and right next to some seasonal version of Oreos, I see Cinnamon Donut Chips Ahoy.  Now, I guess this is a thing for them since I saw another article talking about “limited edition” summer flavors which I don’t remember seeing.  Since it is the same company that makes Oreos, I guess they figured they’d cash in on another brand.

But this is really going way too far.  The only part of “chocolate chip cookie” that remains is the cookie and that doesn’t really count since cookies is such a wide category.  Oh, I know, there are cinnamon and apple flavored chips in this abomination so you could try to argue that there are still chips.  Wrong!  Chocolate chips are all that matters.  Everything else is a pale imitation.  Seriously, what is with taking one sweet item and trying to make it taste like another sweet item.  If I wanted a donut, I’ve got so many options to get real donuts from a bakery.  I don’t need to buy packaged cookies that are pretending to be something else.

Also, why do you have apple flavored chips in something that is supposed to be cinnamon donut flavored?  It doesn’t say Apple Cinnamon Donut flavored.  It says Cinnamon donut flavored.  I’ve seen Cinnamon sugar dusted donuts at my local bakery.  If I bit down into one of those and got an apple piece, I’d be a bit put out.  What, do we just assume that apples are naturally tied to cinnamon like Apple Cinnamon Cheerios?  So you can’t have just Cinnamon Donut without sticking some Apple in there somewhere.

Oh, and what goes into an “apple flavored chip”?  I’m kind of afraid to find out.  A mix of sugar and fat that maybe gets sprayed with a bit of apple flavoring and something to make it kind of tart like an apple?  Why would I want that?  Again, if I really wanted apples, I could go the nearby orchid and get my fill.  Are we trying to put something vaguely fruit related in a way to give these things a veneer of being healthy.   Oh no, its not just a cinnamon donut cookie, it is a cinnamon donut cookie with APPLE flavored chips.  What genius with a marketing degree came up with this?  And, would you like to be the creator of these things?  Yeah, I got a culinary degree and my big thing was to turn an unassuming Chocolate Chip cookie into a cinnamon donut with apple chips?

But, I’m so sucked in by this, that my first thought was “cool, wonder what they taste like?”  Of course, I came to my senses and realized it would be mostly bland cookie dough with overly sweet chips tasting vaguely of cinnamon and apple.  Any resemblance to an actual cinnamon donut would be unintentional.

Then, my brother posts something on Facebook with no less than four “pumpkin spice” versions of various cereals.  I can just imagine the conversations in various places.  “Hey, we aren’t selling as much cereal as we should be.  I’ve got a brilliant idea!  Starbucks has that Pumpkin coffee thing.  Why don’t we just jump on that bandwagon.  I’m sure we’ll be the only cereal out there and we’ll clean up.”

I know Starbucks has success with the liquid crack that they only make available at certain times of the year so the hype machine goes into overdrive but a breakfast cereal just doesn’t have the same cache.  Full disclosure – my wife loves the Pumpkin Spice Latte or PSL as it is now called.  Oh, and Starbucks decided that PSL was “People Sharing Love”.  Really?!?  How bout “Pretentious Sales Logo”.  Its freaking flavored coffee.  Let’s not make it out to be more than it really is, m’kay.

You do realize that you have to spice it up because pumpkin by itself is barely edible.  Don’t believe me?  Get a can and take big spoonful.  My dogs love it but they eat their own poop from time to time so I wouldn’t rely on them for an endorsement.  Pumpkin is certainly good for you and you can make it edible in savory dishes but you dress it up with all the spices and sugar in pumpkin pie so you don’t know that you are actually eating pumpkin.  So your PSL is more about liquid pumpkin pie than anything else.  Maybe just dunk your piece of pie into your coffee at Thanksgiving and call it is day.  Actually, I’m sure if you get the venti with whipped cream, it might even be worse than a plan slice of pumpkin pie.  (Full disclosure – my wife always leaves off the whipped cream).  Don’t get me wrong, I love a good slice of pumpkin pie every now and then but I certainly don’t want one every day.  And I wouldn’t eat it for breakfast which brings me back to all the PS cereals which really seem pointless.

Sorry, I was just in a mood today so I thought a little bit of fun ranting was in order.  If you actually like Cinnamon Donut Chips Ahoy, then I won’t judge you.  (Well, I will but I won’t let you know about it)



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