Just noticed that there are five Mondays in the month of August. That’s some kind of cosmic joke I’m sure.
I decided not to go to the party at Studio B on Friday night. I was torn but, in the end, I decided I needed some alone time. Work has taken on a slightly negative vibe because we are reaching the end of a big project which is a good thing but now everyone wants to know what comes next. And, as the boss, they look to me and I have no idea either because the people above me haven’t said anything. I’m sure they aren’t planning on closing the doors anytime soon but it is creating some anxiety which I can feel both just in the air and when people talk with me.
I do enjoy talking and interacting with my team. I’m not a hermit who spends the entire day in my office reading reports and interacting via email. I’ve even gotten to a point where I kind of enjoy the little banter with people I interact with on a daily basis like the crew at my various coffee shops. Actually, it probably isn’t the small talk so much as the feeling I get when walking in. I don’t know, maybe it is my mission to make their day a little brighter by not being a complete a-hole since I know places like that see a bunch of those during the day. So I can smile and be polite and talk a little bit and listen to them and it makes them happy to see me and it is a win/win all the way around.
But, I realize that all of that interaction takes a lot out of me. Being “on” all day at work and then having dance lessons four nights a week where there is more interaction both with the instructors and other students. And the random other people I come into contact with during the day. There was something in me that just said back off and take some time to yourself. It made all the difference in the world. I found myself lost in songs on the radio today and just feeling generally happy and upbeat about things. Then, I found out there were five Mondays in August 😦
One problem with my alone time is my choice of reading material. My latest guilty pleasure is what you would call “teen” novels. And, they are probably written for teen girls since the main character is always a teen girl. The latest one is the Red Queen followed by the Glass Sword which is what I’m reading now.
There are similar themes in all these stories. The back drop is usually some kind of world with a lot of cruelty and injustice where change is sorely needed. The main characters are always underdogs in the fight and that just naturally draws me towards them. There are also usually themes about people feeling different or that they don’t quite fit in and that hits some good notes with me as well. And the general theme of people pushing beyond what they thought they could do which is very uplifting. (I’d mention the love story part that is always there but you probably already know I’ve got strains of the hopeless romantic running through me)
I think like most introverts, we can get totally involved in a story. By that I mean that you place yourself into the story and start thinking and feeling what it would be like to live in that world. It probably helps that I spend a good deal of time in my head so these become mini escapes and it why you can get so caught up that you have to finish quickly.
The problem for me is that I’ve also noticed that the story can impact my mood. (Crazy but true). Most of these books have sections where “it is always darkest before the dawn” kind of thing but before you get to the dawn, it can be quite dark. When things start to go bad, the books can exude a sense of hopelessness and despair that becomes quite strong. I just imagine myself in that situation where you could feel like you just want to give up and say “I can’t take this anymore”. Sometimes, the book just goes dark for the longest period of time and it becomes hard to read because there is no light at the end of the tunnel. The last series I read was Mistborn and the third book was so depressing that it was really hard to pick up at times. Evil was winning everything and there was no end in sight and it just slogged on like that for ages. (I hated the end of that book by the way). So, sometimes reading is a nice diversion and sometimes it just complicates things. That’s kind of why I’m writing this and not reading right now. The Glass Sword seems to be about to get to a climatic battle but the main characters are especially depressed right now and I figure there is going to be death in the upcoming battle so I just had to put it down for a bit.
Well tomorrow is the first of the five Mondays and the first day in August which means the Big Dance Event is no longer in the future. It is now on the same calendar page. Commence freak out in 3, 2, 1 ….. (No, I’m really fine but going to need to focus the next couple of weeks).