Be Yourself Tonight

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Strange day today so you get a bonus post.  I’ve got a member of my team who has been struggling with confidence.  I’ve been stretching her because there is a part of what I do that I need to take a less active part in and I need to get people positioned so that I’m not the only expert.  It makes sense on all kinds of levels but it has meant that I’ve had to put her in some uncomfortable positions.

The upshot is that she does know a lot but doesn’t always believe that she does.  And she is deathly afraid of saying the wrong thing and looking foolish.  This applies in a group presentation or even in things she sends to me.  Pushing people is a double edged sword because I don’t want to force someone to go places they don’t want to go.  She’s valuable at what she does and doesn’t have any real desires to move which is fine.  But I look at it this way.  I want to make sure she could move up if she decides that is right for her and getting her some additional visibility will certainly help in that regard.

Don’t worry, the irony of me helping someone with self-confidence issues is not lost on me.  On the other hand, I’m certainly in a good position to relate to her problems and I can recognize when I need to back off and let her catch up.

Why am I bringing this up.  Well, I asked her to put some slides together of some analysis she had done so it could be presented at a big meeting.  Initially, we talked about her doing the presentation but that was too big of a step so I’m doing it but there was still value in having her put things together as it would still be a learning opportunity.  She sent me an email with a tag line about still being nervous about sending it to me.  Again, the fear of being wrong rose up.

So, I took the opportunity to find one of those little uplifting things about self-confidence.  And I added a couple of other quotes and a little message of support.  When I took the job many years ago, I would not have done this.  There is something that has changed and continues to change within me because the more I do things like this, the easier it gets.  Which I find strange but in a good way.

Whenever I read descriptions of INFP’s, they talk about how we like to commit to a cause.  And that never really seemed to fit me.  I do have certain charities that are important to me but it is more financial support than anything else because I’m not a volunteering type.  Could be that I’m on the line between INFP and INTP which tempers that with a bit of skepticism on taking on big problems.  The feeling that there are limits on what one person can do.

And yet, I see a situation like this person with a confidence issue and it becomes more and more natural for me to try and jump in and help.  The INFP is called the Healer in certain places.  That struck me as odd but maybe not so much.

If you want to go deeper, there are my Facebook posts.  I try and share those little things that happen and try to make them a little bit funny.  This morning I talked about getting home and needed 80 some steps to get to 10000 on my FitBit and walking around the house until I got there.  That got several likes and comments from people who do the same thing.  In a moment of deep thinking, I figured out why I may tend to do these type of posts.

First, one of most powerful things I’ve discovered here is that I’m not alone.  I post something about how I’m dealing with a dance issue and when I get that others are going through the same things it is comforting.  So, when I poke fun at my life and others see themselves in it, then maybe it gives them that same type of feeling.  That they aren’t the only ones pacing around their houses late at night to get the step count up.  And, it is a way to actually connect with people.  A lot of the people on Facebook are people at work and I only see them in a work context.  So this gives me an opportunity to see them in a different light and that is something I like.  Again, I’m all about connections – even if they are electronic.

But here’s the other thing.  I do enjoy it when people like my posts or laugh at what I’ve put there.  In my own way, maybe I’ve giving them a little bit of joy or happiness in the middle of the day.  With all the crap that is going on, maybe people need a little break from time to time and maybe that is something I can provide.

Of course, I get on here and I lay down all the heavy stuff but in some ways, I need a place to unburden and that’s what you get.  On the other hand, every now and then, I string some words together that people really like.  So, again, maybe in some small way, I’m providing that distraction and/or giving people something a little uplifting.  Maybe not, but I kind of like thinking that I do.

Kind of the same way I feel when I see someone watching me dance.  Yeah, its a little weird to think that someone is focusing on me but, like the other day, when I finished the Viennese Waltz with Kid T and the newer couple was watching with smiles on their face.  That felt good.  And not in an ego boosting “I’m the greatest dancer” way.  No, if I think about it, the good feeling was that I was able to do something that maybe they found uplifting or entertaining or even just a minor distraction.  And, maybe, in some small way, it made their day a little brighter.  Or maybe I’m just way too full of myself.

Not really sure why I decided this was worth sharing.  I do often wonder what makes me tick and I got a flash of that today so I figured I’d offer it up.


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