Well, it wasn’t really a dotted line but I signed up for more lessons anyway. This is the first time I’ve really had to think about it and the more I thought about it, the more confused I got. In the end, I’ve got some new things to work on and I’ve aired my concerns to OwnerGuy. If he doesn’t follow through, I just have to put aside my hatred of confrontation and remind him of his broken promises. Here’s the deal, I actually do trust him to some degree and I think he’s trying to do the right things. The problem is lack of follow through. Or he could just be using sales techniques on me to get me to sign up. I’m an idealist but I have flashes of cynicism/realism.
Here’s a small little example of what I’m talking about. Before my lesson yesterday, Tex is working with Kid T on his routine. OwnerGuy was not on a lesson so he’s lurking around watching things with the ever present eye of Sauron that sees all. At one point, he just yells out some tip to Tex. Well, why does that matter you say? I joke about the eye of Sauron but he’s advanced enough to pick up on little things and sometimes a little thing makes a big difference. So it was like Tex got a free tip which seems to happen a lot and I can’t help but feel it is because he does more comps and spends more money.
Yes, it is a little thing but it goes to my point that it seems like those who do comps are a special class that gets treated better. Well, did you tell him that? No, of course not. Why on earth would I say something. He’s not a mind reader, you know. Well he should be. He should just know how I feel about these things. How is he ever going to know if you don’t tell him. Shut up! Who’s blog is this anyway? You’re ruining a perfectly good venting sessions with your logic and reasoning. Yes, I know. But someone has to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it, I need to communicate more. That’s right. Yeah, but I don’t like sharing my feelings and I get all tongue tied and words fail me. Too bad. Suck it up. Thanks for the compassion. That’s not my job. Go look elsewhere if you want someone to join your pity party. Fine, I’ll move on. Will that make you happy and make you go away?? For the moment. But just remember, I’m always here and always ready to jump in.
Sorry, for the interruption for my inner monologue. Let’s move on. I’ve discovered that my personality type can easily work against me. If you believe the typology, my dominant preference is introverted feeling which just means I’m constantly evaluating things against some hard to explain personal standard and everything gets categorized “Right/Wrong” or some such variant. Couple that with my tendency towards perfectionism and the fact that I am my own worst critic and it means that my normal first reaction to a new dance is that I’m doing it wrong. Which tends to come out as “it sucks”. And then that gets locked into my head and I shut out and ignore the feedback that contradicts my initial reaction.
But I kind of think Kid T is on to me. Here is a paraphrased version of actual conversations during our lesson. Let me set the stage. We have a routine/amalgamation and we’ve just done a complete run through.
Kid T “That wasn’t bad”.
Me “Well it wasn’t good either” (See I can’t accept the compliment or feedback)
Kid T “What was wrong with it” (attempting to draw specifics out of my vagueness -evil genius)
Me “Well it just sucked. It didn’t feel right”
Kid T “What part didn’t feel right” (Oh, now I’m backed into a corner because she needs specifics. Can’t she just accept that is sucks and move on!)
Me (after a bit of stammering and mumbling) “That part there where …”
Kid T “OK, let’s go over that again” (Curses, foiled again)
It doesn’t always work this way but she did actually get me to admit that one of runs was actually pretty good.
I told OwnerGuy that sometimes I feel like Kid T just has me do the step 1000 times but I never get any real feedback on how to improve certain areas. Do you ask her for feedback? Shut up, I’m taking this in a positive direction. OK, but I’ll be watching closely.
I kind of felt that way after the lesson but then as the rational side of me took over and I started to look at it from different directions, I realized I was full of it. There is one part where I do a run around her and then move backward while she spins. She told me I needed to rotate more and end up slightly twisted so that when I step backward, it creates momentum for her spin. Kind of like a coiled spring being released. Well, I did it and it made the step 1000 times better so there was some real improvement. She also wanted me to explode more in the beginning with a bigger arm movement (see, I’m tall so I need to take up space). Yeah, I did that too and I snuck a look and it wasn’t half bad. And there was the continuing work on the posture but, after class, I was talking with some other students and, for some reason, it got around to posture and I hit the pose she wanted and this guy actually did a little double take and said it made a big difference. OK, so I got a lot out of that lesson even though at first I didn’t think I had.
Yesterday, I also worked on my Quickstep with Sunny. I’ll have to give you details as this unfolds but we were working on the intro. The theme is that we are strangers who eyes meet and I have to have her so we do some roll ins and other things and then start dancing our amalgamation. The problem is that she, Kid T and OwnerGuy came up with all this stuff for us to do and the song is flipping fast. At slow speed, it was fine but, once we took it to tempo, I couldn’t react fast enough and the steps were short, choppy and mostly wrong. As I said at the start, my first reaction is usually negative and when things go wrong, it is even more negative. Now, I did start ranting but there was a funny edge to it because, hey, I can be funny at times. I’m not sure she got the humor though because several things got dropped and the resulting product is easier to dance. Since Showstoppers is only two weeks away, I want easy. Not sure how it is going to turn out but there are some fun parts so we shall see.
Oh, and I can’t let this go without mentioning it. Last night, between my two lessons, Z was teaching group class. I really hung back because I just wasn’t sure I could do it. At the last minute, I just said “the heck with this” and jumped in. It was far less awkward than I expected. Yes, that is actually meant to be a good thing. So last night was a pretty good night.
Random note – according to Word Press, my previous post was number 500. See, here’s what they sent me so you know I’m not fibbin. That’s a lot of posts. I didn’t know I had that much to say. I know it doesn’t mean anything but I thought I’d share anyway.