When the Heart Rules the Mind

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Last night was another dance date with Hilde.  It was also a start of a new round of group classes at the alternate studio.  It was a dance I’ve done before but not one I’ve worked on a lot so I did learn a bit more about it and how certain steps are supposed to work.  I do something like this and I realize I’ve learned a lot in the many years I’ve been doing it.  Subconsciously, I can relate steps to other dances and there are just little things that become automatic and so I don’t think about them.

Just to give you a very quick highlight the last part of the pattern required the man to rotate the lady around him.  Two steps to bring her in.  A triple to do one turn so she’s behind you.  Two more steps to bring her to your other side.  And, finally another triple turn to bring her back in front.  The man’s part is really just keeping time and keeping the right arm up to make the turns easier.

So we get through the rotation and I get to a student I haven’t danced with before, and she gets to the part before the final spin and says I’m the only one doing something to make it easier.  She tried to explain it to me but I couldn’t quite follow other than maybe I was more aware of her and moving to get out of her way just enough to make the last turn easier.  By the time Hilde got back to me, she made a similar comment that I was the only guy doing that part correctly.

I don’t know why comments like that shock me so much but they does.  I dance with a lot of ladies and I’ve remarked many times on how different they feel.  Why would it shock me that you ladies can feel differences between the men as well.  Yet, I always have a “really??” reaction as if all the guys are doing things exactly the same way.

(Going to take a longer aside here because this is part of a bigger theme in my life.  When people notice things about me, it always throws me off just a bit.  Why would anyone ever notice me?  Of course, I wear things that aren’t the norm but I do that to be me and not because I want people looking at me.  So when I get a compliment on a shirt or my cologne, there is always a momentary freak out.  I’ve gotten better at just saying “thank you” and hoping the topic moves on from me.  Here’s another example.  I’m sure there is much you can make of this but, every time I sit down for a meeting, I lower the chair to its lowest setting.  I just hate feeling like I’m towering over the table.  I’m sure it is a subconscious thing to make myself as small an invisible as possible.  The other day, I get to a meeting and do it and there’s another guy there who points it out.  I guess there’s someone else just like me so he was saying that we both do this.  I know we all have our own little idiosyncrasies and I certainly notice it in others but I just expect nobody is going to notice mine.  Probably some low self esteem buried in there – why would I be important enough for anyone to notice anything about me.  Like my picture of myself is so not what anyone else sees.)

So Hilde wanted the scoop on the Famous Franchise.  When I mentioned that I’d be doing some Showcase heats with Sunny, she almost exploded and really had no concept of why I’d even agree to do that.  First, I have no idea whether Sunny is even capable of doing Argentine Tango and/or Quickstep.  Secondly, dance lessons cost money and I’ll have to take lessons with her to do anything at Showcase.  Because she’s new, is she really going to be able to teach me anything.

And, it is consistent with the Famous Franchise business model.  It is better for them if you work with multiple instructors because then you have two people pushing you to take more lessons.  And learning off dances is another way to get you to take more lessons.  So you have one instructor to do main dances and another one to do some of the off dances.  Oh, and then you can do routines in both and that is more lessons and more Showcase entries and more money.

To be fair, I don’t know how much work Sunny has put into learning Quickstep and Argentine Tango.  It is certainly possible that she has advanced to a level where I would learn some things.  But, there is certainly a very strong logical argument for not doing this.  After all, I’ll be spending a lot of money and what do I get out of the deal?

I also know I have a hard time saying “no” and disappointing someone.  That makes me a soft touch and vulnerable to being talked into doing things like this.  And, worrying that I’ll make Sunny feel bad by turning her down is really not the right reason to agree to do this.  I know this.

I don’t know if this is a valid reason or not but I don’t want to be the “too cool for school” dancer who feels he’s too advanced to learn from a newer instructor.  Yeah, I certainly had some concerns about working with Kid T (and still have some) but it has been positive.  I don’t want to be that guy who says “I’m such an advanced dancer that I can’t be bothered working with you”.  The crazy thing about that is that even if I did turn her down, it wouldn’t be for those reasons.  I just don’t want that to be the perception.  Again, not the right reason to consider doing these dances with her.

So why would I agree to do this?  I could sense some real enthusiasm from her.  For whatever reason or reasons, I get the impression that she really wants to work with me.  Yes, it is a good business thing for her and the Famous Franchise and if I felt that was all there was to it, then I’d say no.  But that’s not the vibe I get.  My intuition is that she’s really driven here and that makes all the difference in the world.

And the other thing is that I don’t want to close myself off from new experiences.  I’ve taken the “safe” path a lot of times in my life and I’ve just reached a point where I think taking a few more chances is the right thing to do.  Yes, it won’t be cheap but if the first couple of lessons totally blow up, I can always just say it isn’t working and back away.

Oh, and this whole mental exchange just solidifies my feeling that I am more INFP than INTP.  Even after hearing all Hilde had to say, it has not swayed me one bit.  Everything she said is correct and it is hard to build a truly logical case for actually agreeing to this.  And, I’m more worried about how it would make her feel than I am about the money side of it.  In the end, I’m trusting my feeling on this one and just going to see how it plays out.

 

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