Our studio is in a strip mall and the end of the mall is a chain place that specializes in wings, beer and sporting events. There is some kind of basketball tournament going on and some local teams of interest were playing so the parking lot was almost full when I arrived for me lesson. I guess I wasn’t paying attention as I was walking to the door because I walked right by the studio and only stopped because I saw Z’s dog looking at me. Think he was confused about where I was going. When I got into the studio, Z was on a lesson with another guy and they both saw me walk by, turn around and come back to the studio. There was some actual funny comments and then her dog attacked me looking for attention and she made a comment about that. Nothing special but it was just a simple human moment and the longest interaction we’ve had since the break-up. Just wanted to pass that along given my last post.
My lesson with Kid T was the open routines for Rumba, Swing and Cha-Cha. The three point turn we do in Rumba is starting to feel a little better and we looped both that and the Swing routine. Still rough but getting there. The Cha-Cha is still new and most of it is fine but there is one section right at the end where I’m facing one direction with Kid T on my left. Then, on the two/three, I swing around and she doesn’t move but I end up catching her in my right arm in some kind of L position. Then, on the 4-and-1, I bring her around me and do a turn around her so we end up back in the same L position and then do some checks. So, if I’ve got the geometry right, I do a 180 followed by a 360. This one is giving me fits. I listen to her count and I don’t feel like I’m where I need to be at the first check. By the second check, I can fix things, but the whole thing is fast and it feels like a chaotic mess. OwnerGuy was briefly watching us yesterday before his lesson and he was like “its fine” but said in a way that made it seem like it wasn’t fine. Kid T keeps telling me I’m doing it right but it feels rough and totally messed up. It is too fast and it doesn’t seem like I’m getting it. OK, I know I need to turn off the perfectionism since we just started working on this on Tuesday so I really shouldn’t expect it to be perfect after just a couple of days. But I do and then it is hitting some of the insecurities. My mind tells me I’m never going to get it and so on. It probably isn’t anywhere near as bad as I think and I need to trust Kid T but …. It still just feels bad. (This is one case where maybe I shouldn’t trust those damn feelings)
In the middle of the lesson, she talked about how I’ve got the footwork down for some of them so we can start working on the whole presentation thing. And that set off a mini panic attack. Funny thing was that I’ve been trying to stand taller to try and feel more comfortable doing it but I still feel like the Jolly Green Giant towering over the tiny people. The really funny thing is that I’m not that tall. But they still want me to use whatever height I’ve got to its maximum. I started to stammer just a bit and whine a bit about doing this and she did ask me what I was afraid of. Wanted to say “we don’t have nearly enough time to discuss that”. I know this is a bit overblown and if I ever get on a floor with my dancewear on that I’ll get in the moment and do what I can. And I am trying on the lessons. It is just that when you make me think about it, it really starts to freak me out. Makes no sense but it is what it is.
The group class was a little cha-cha formation taught by Z. The highlight was at one point where Z tells the ladies to look at their partners in a particular step. Then she went beyond it and told the ladies to tell their partners how handsome they were. With the rotation, people weren’t dancing with their significant other but this is just something Z does from time to time. I think she enjoys seeing (a) who will play along and (b) who gets embarrassed when someone plays along. As luck would have it, I was dancing with someone with fewer inhibitions who totally had no problem fawning over me. It wasn’t enough to compliment me, she also decided to pet my hair (Z is big on telling us to pet each other – group classes do get a bit strange from time to time). What can I say. I’m simply irresistible. 🙂 Oh yeah, she said something about being back with her handsome man when the rotation came around again. Actually, it was all good fun and she wasn’t trying to embarrass me so that type of thing I can easily take.
I wish I could say the evening ended on a high note but it didn’t. I saw them bring out the trophies from Hawaii and knew they’d make a big fuss over Tex and, yes, I got a little small, petty and jealous because I just didn’t need the reminder of what I missed. And the dancing was off. I tried a couple of dances with B-Tech and they were a disaster as I tried a couple of steps and she wasn’t following and it was a complete mess. I did a tango with Kid T and she randomly started doing something different and then told me she had slipped into Tex’s routine. You know, there are times when a man really doesn’t want to hear a lady say another man’s name and this was one of those times. The whole “I can’t lead” insecurities started in and things started to go south. I did dance with a couple of other ladies but I just wasn’t feeling it. So, when a song came on, I made a beeline for the bathroom (I hide in there a lot) and waited until the song was in force before heading back out. Everyone was distracted so I changed my shoes and got up to leave just as the song ended and they started the intro for the next. Allowed me to slip out with a minimum of “you’re leaving” comments. I suspect OwnerGuy will have to chat with me again since my leaving parties very early has started to become a habit. It is not something that I can easily explain. “just wasn’t feeling it” may not cut it but its the best I’ve got.