So, on last night’s lesson, there was me, OwnerGuy and his competitive student and Z and Tex. Now, they are leaving next week for the big competition and I certainly understand the need to practice so that meant most of the music was going to be theirs.
Before doing a comp, the normal practice is to due rounds which means doing all of the smooth or rhythm dances one right after the other. You do one of each without stopping. It simulates what happens at the comp where you’ll do all the dances in succession and you have to be able to transition from one routine to the next. It is good practice.
But, then OwnerGuy turns to us and says something about all of us doing rounds. OK, I get this because if we are all doing the same dance, it does better simulate what will happen at the comp. At first, I thought we were going to do it but Kid T has already worked out her lesson and it wasn’t going to be changed so she told OwnerGuy we were out. I was feeling a little snarky (and I bit passive-aggressive), so I just added “I don’t rounds anymore”. He seemed a bit taken aback but it is what it is. I don’t know what I’m working towards and I don’t know if there is a comp in my future, so why should I pretend that there is just to make life easier for those who are going.
So we tried to do a Tango in the midst of two others doing different smooth dances. It wasn’t the greatest. We switched to Swing and Rumba so we could stay in the middle of the floor while they did Viennese Waltz around us. All it really did for me was make me feel like an intruder. Here are people trying to get ready for an important event and I’m just puttering around the floor trying to stay out of their way. Yeah, it was a little bit of self-pity since I don’t know what my path is and it highlighted that I really miss having something like this to work towards.
When they got done with the first round, OwnerGuy again tried to engage us but his mistake was saying “we’re doing open routines now”. Again, in my passive-aggressive way, I said to Kid T that I don’t have any open routines. Which is not entirely true because I had some that I did with Z but I haven’t touched them since Boston and I’ve never danced them with Kid T so they might as well not exist. She said something about OwnerGuy working on them but she didn’t know where he was with them. Which just again reminded me of all his unfulfilled promises when I first started working with Kid T.
As I said before, watching them do rounds was a reminder of what I’ve lost. It was my own decision to stop dancing with Z and it was the right decision but all decisions have consequences and this is where I now find myself. I hadn’t thought about an event in awhile but I now know that really miss having something big like that to work towards. I miss the prep leading up to the event and the thought of actually getting out on the floor to compete. It just reminds me again that I seem to be stuck in neutral here. Yes, the things I’m doing with Kid T on my lessons are helping me to be better. But what’s the end goal? Yes, I need a destination. The journey has meandered enough.
But, I was thinking about this some more and I really don’t know when I’d be in position to do another comp. The open routine thing just reminded me that I don’t have enough to really do a comp. Just doing the closed routines would limit what I could do and would leave me with way too much down time. Don’t see how I could mentally justify the time and expense to just do closed stuff. And, since we aren’t working on open routines, all it is does is push that time farther back. I’m not going to spend the money to do an event unless I’ve had sufficient time to work on the routines. I was watching Tex and Z and they are still fiddling with some of the routines and he still doesn’t have everything. I don’t want to be in that position. And it takes a great deal of time to get to a point where you actually know the routine well enough to do it without having to truly think about it let alone be at a point where you can actually do it reasonably well.
I think I’ll leave this alone for now and let them go and enjoy the comp. But, the next time OwnerGuy wants to talk money, I’m going to have to bring this stuff up.
Oh, and there is more change coming. Hilde tells me she is leaving the Famous Franchise to go dance at an independent studio. It is farther from her home but the price break is better. She can get two lessons for the price of one at the Famous Franchise and she isn’t getting much out of the group classes and she feels constrained by the syllabus. All of which is understandable.
So yesterday wasn’t a great day. Hoping today will be better.