So I mentioned my parents came into town for Thanksgiving. Well after dinner, when things were quiet and between football games, I mentioned to my mother that I had this professionally done video of some of my dances at the last Showcase. As you may remember, they flirted with the idea of coming down to see me live so I figured I’d offer them the opportunity to see me live on tape.
And, of course, they took me up on it. Oh, I do need to provide some additional background. I did mention to them that I was no longer dancing with Z but that I was now dancing with Kid T. I did not get into any of the nasty details and only said we had gone as far as we could as a couple and it was time to move on. They of course know nothing of the inner turmoil and doubt that comes up from time to time. There are things that are just better left unsaid.
I hate watching myself and having to watch myself with an audience was even my excruciating. But I just told myself I was doing it for them and not me and just soldiered on through all the heats, the two solos and the formation. Just for kicks, I showed them the pro show Fox Trot where the lady used me as a prop during the dance.
Mom has mentioned before that she used to dance in college but Pop was never a dancer and so that stopped for her. She did a lot of swing and I guess even then there were regional differences between where she was and where Pop came from. But she clearly had also done waltz in her time since she just started into 1-2-3 and talked about loving the waltz. And, she mentioned something about my grandmother doing the Fox Trot. I wish there was more time to explore this since I would love to know more about the dancing background of my family. Still, I was able to come away with the knowledge that dance isn’t as alien as I first believed. Perhaps the talent/desire/passion did spring from somewhere.
To veer off topic for a bit, some of you seem to have noticed a small shift in the polarity of yours truly. (OK, I don’t know what that means, I just wanted to use polarity in a sentence). Part of that is due to searching out positive messages – blogs and quotes under the assumption that if you fill your mind with good things, there is less space for the negative.
A site that I sometimes link to is “The Seeds 4 Life”. I would provide an actual link but I’m kind of a lurker there and don’t want to draw unnecessary attention.
Anyway, there was a quote the other day that seemed interesting. It is from George Bernard Shaw and goes like this “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
Inside the post was this paragraph which kind of gets it.
Each of us has the capacity to create our own story, our own narrative. Just as we are not here to fulfill the expectations of others, we ultimately will not find our path through the mere duplication of other’s life formula. Our task is to tap into our creative mainline; and to begin to experience it with all that it contains.
I think I might substitute “knowing” for “creating” above although maybe not. The key to knowing is not to allow it to place limits on yourself because the limits we place tend to be who we think we aren’t. But truly knowing yourself I think helps direct you to your own path and then you can start tapping into your own creative mainline and then start creating your path and creating yourself.
I may have stumbled into dancing but there was something there all along inside me just waiting for a spark. I have had to struggle mightily with all the emotions and things that I wasn’t prepared for but through it all, the passion burned inside me. There will always be challenges and doubts but they have less of a hold me right now than they have in the past. Maybe because I have truly accepted the fact that I am a dancer and that this is just something I was meant to do. Maybe that allows me to tap into that passion and continue to create myself on the dance floor. Who knows? Anyway, I thought the quote and the passage was interesting so I felt it deserved to be shared.