Burned Out

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Showcase is just a little over a week away and I really don’t feel excited.  I don’t feel nervous or freaked out.  Frankly, I just don’t feel anything.  It is kind of like “meh, whatever”.  Like I’m really the cold, emotionless, logically-based robot I thought I was.  Dancing last night just didn’t give my any joy.  It wasn’t particularly frustrating. It was just there.

These last two weeks at work have been an absolute bear and as much as I try to separate things, I guess I was not successful and I’m hopeful that is why I’m just feeling so dead inside.  I swear yesterday that, at times, I could just feel myself start to shut down.  I have a double lesson tonight but part of me really just wants to cancel and stay home and get some me time.  We did have some fun today at work which I’ll get into later and I’ll try to focus on that to get me in the mood.

Last night was our Showcase preview party so we all did our routines for the studio.  I ended up not doing very well in either.  I was fast and to far ahead of the music in the West Coast even though I did manage to slow down and find the beat.  The Quickstep is still rough and maybe that is another part of the problem.  I know I need to move on from the Body Double but I stopped doing country dancing once 3 of 3 left because dancing country with others just wasn’t the same and the same is true of the Quickstep.  The Body Double was much more into the Quickstep than Kid T and I think I can sense that.  I guess we did OK but I was more nervous last night than I was at the last Showcase.  I know that last Showcase a couple of weeks ago went well because I was in a great place mentally during the day and I’m not there now.

The formation is an absolute joke but I find myself not caring at all.  Well I take that back.  I was getting a little frustrated because the other two guys have no clue about timing.  (OK, imagine me saying that about anyone).  I’m watching OwnerGuy who is two people away and we’re pretty aligned but the guy between us is going to his own music and he’s way off.  At the end, we had two of us facing the right way and two facing the wrong way.  There are many reasons for this.  One, we changed the alignment just last week which is not something you do right before Showcase.  Secondly, we spent way too much time on the first part so the last parts are still being learned and aren’t natural.  Thirdly, Kid T didn’t take the training wheels off in time to have us do things without her counting.  Oh, and she’s never really explained the beat to anyone so I’m not sure they know what to listen for.  Maybe just playing the music and counting would help.  On the other hand, it’s pretty darn easy to hear 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 in the music and adapt that to the hustle and cha-cha.  Hilde almost had to push the guy in front of me because he didn’t start the cha-cha part on the right beat and she almost ran right into him.  Maybe it will come together and maybe it won’t.

We did the Peabody before the party and I know she’s pushing because we signed up to do it.  I probably just need to tell her that I really don’t have any expectations for this dance right now.  We are just starting and I don’t expect it to go perfectly and I’m not stressed over it.  Then again, I am kind of dead inside so maybe that’s the problem.

Oh well, at least we ended the work week on a good note.  Many in my group enjoy dressing up for Halloween and, several years ago, I decided to join in and it has really helped the bond between us.  I went full on Sonny Crockett/Miami Vice this year.  Linen jacket, pink t-shirt (bright pink), white linen pants, white boat shoes and sunglasses.  Even found a cheap shoulder holster to complete the look.  Some of this I had and some I bought with points we get through work as rewards.  Just for fun, at one point, I dialed up the Miami Vice them on my iphone, slipped it in my jacket pocked and walked around a little bit.  I heard someone later talking about my “swagger” which is great because I was trying to be a little cool with the walk and I guess I pulled it off.  I think I have dancing to thank for that because I was just moving in a way that seemed to fit the music.  It helped but hasn’t completely pulled me out of this funk.  I’m going to try to find some good tunes to play on the drive out because I don’t like not feeling anything while dancing and I do have two lessons tonight.

3 comments

  1. I think your title is perfect. You’re just burned out! You might think about taking a break and give yourself a chance to miss dancing. And even if the formation is a mess, at least you know you’re doing your part correctly!

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