I realized that I’ve been quiet this week. Everything was going fine but there just wasn’t anything that was compelling enough to warrant a post. Until last night. Although I really wish this hadn’t happened.
After my two lessons with the Body Double (which were great, by the way), I get called into the little room with her and OwnerGuy. I then find out that she is leaving the studio because her soon to be husband has accepted a better job well outside our part of the country.
So we talked briefly about the future. OwnerGuy said he didn’t think the time was right for me to move back to Z and I enthusiastically agreed. No way I’m going back to that emotional roller coaster. That leaves me one choice if I wish to stay at the studio and that is KidT.
KidT is very talented and she has a bright future if she chooses to make this a career. I also have no doubt about the Famous Franchise’s ability to train dance instructors quickly. But Z to the Body Double was a step back in experience and this would be another step back. I don’t say that to be mean but it is just an accurate statement of their various skill levels.
Also, there would now be three guys (me, Tex and a third who I haven’t named yet) who take a lot of lessons. Three into two doesn’t go evenly and since I’m not about to go back with Z, I don’t know how they can find enough time to deal with all of us. Not to mention that KidT already has a group of new students. Would I even be able to find times that work for me?
Working with KidT on the West Coast Swing routine has been fine. But that’s just one dance. I don’t know what it is going to be like to try and focus on all the other dances. How do I bond with someone who is so young? I know this will sound silly but I even worry about how to capture the look and feel of dances like Tango and Rumba when I’m dancing with someone who is so much younger than I am. (I know, it is just dancing but I still have this concern)
And my plans to do three routines at the next Showcase are out the window. I don’t see that there is enough time to get those transferred to KidT along with all the closed routines in time for Showcase. Not to mention the open routines that were put on the back burner and will now continue to slowly slip out of my memory.
Is it worth staying at the Famous Franchise? Well I know a lot of people at the studio so adjusting to a new place would be difficult. There aren’t a lot of other options but I can check those out. But I’m getting to the point where doing Showcase means I see a lot of familiar faces and I like that. Either way, I’d still have to adjust to a new teacher.
Do I give up dancing? Is this the sign that finally means it is time to give up on this and move on? I don’t think so. I’ve covered this before but dancing has allowed me to get in touch with sides of me that I never knew existed. There is still something so magical about the whole experience that I don’t want to give up. I think some people like to dance. I need to dance. I think it is within my DNA and I just didn’t know it until I hit the floor for the first time.
I suppose I could always take a couple of months off and let my foot doctor cut up my feet like she wants to. I haven’t talked about my feet cause that’s not a very exciting topic but I’ve got some arthritis in my right big toe which can really hurt when I do too much rise and fall. She wants to do some kind of surgery which won’t fix things but it has some advantages that I don’t fully understand. I’ve not done it because there was always a dance event to prepare for. But, maybe this would give KidT some extra time to prep.
Don’t know. No choice seems like the right one at this minute.
Now comes the “I hate the world” wallowing in self pity rant.
I just got out of a toxic relationship and I didn’t realize how bad it was until I moved full time to the Body Double. In the last two months, I’ve not had a single episode of the crushing self-doubt that I had on a daily basis with Z. I’ve not had any of those long car rides home when I’ve got just my thoughts and I’m dissecting the lesson to see where it went off the tracks and blaming myself for all of it. I’ve learned a lot and sharpened up many of my closed routines. But, most importantly, dancing was FUN again.
It just clicked with the Body Double. I don’t know why but it did and it was wonderful. I was getting over my trust issues and my personal space issues. We did the Quickstep last night mostly in closed position and that wasn’t even the focus of the lesson – it just happened naturally. She had me doing these Mambo exercises which felt a little silly but I felt safe and was able to do them.
So was this just all some sort of little cosmic joke. Just a little payoff for the last six months of hell but that’s all you get is two good months. Hope you enjoyed them. Sorry she’s leaving – sucks to be you. Good luck finding someone else to work with.
I don’t want to go to the studio tonight. I want to just take a couple of days and sit in a dark room and curse the fates who gave me a small glimpse of what it was like to be happy with dancing and then snatched it away from me.
But group class tonight is Mambo. I’ve grown to like Mambo (who knew). I have a lesson with KidT afterward which I’m also not excited about but it is our West Coast Swing routine so I will go and do fine. I may skip the party tomorrow night. I’m just not in the mood but that might change by tomorrow.
I do have to give KidT the benefit of the doubt so I won’t leave without first giving it a good try. That’s all I can do. I have no idea where this will end up. I hate change. I know one shouldn’t get attached to dance instructors since they tend to move around but it is hard not to. 3 of 3, the Statue and now the Body Double. I hate change. It alters the dynamic of the studio and I’m not sure it is a good thing. I hate change but it can’t be avoided. If I want to keep dancing, I have to deal with it.
But I still hate it and I hate that we were just getting to the point where I was looking forward to our next dance adventure and now that won’t happen.