So I have decided to just roll with it and not change a thing. I had no expectations when I started just a little over two years ago other than to give myself a place to vent and to say things that I couldn’t say to anyone I knew in person. But I’ve made some great connections here. I’ve gotten myself published in a book (anonymously of course, as is my style). And someone I’ve never met and who I never knew existed went out of their way to do something extremely nice for me this past weekend. How cool is that?? Oh yes, I am now FB friends with the co-conspirator of project “get the introvert to dance” and so there is another connection made through this blog. (No offense meant in the last line, I felt the need to say something witty)
I won’t make too big a deal out of this but I’ve never really considered what impact my words here can have. Which is silly because I take a lot from the rest of you so why wouldn’t some of you find value here. Even if the only value is to say “boy, I’m glad I’m not as messed up as that dude” (Admit it, some of you think that!!) So some of you may be dropping by from time to time and don’t feel like participating but still get something of what I put here and I don’t want to close that door. So we remain open for all and I’ll live with whatever happens as a consequence.
Now, I’m not brave enough to go to Z and say “here’s a site you need to check out”. You may be right that it may help her better understand and deal with the complex creature that I am. But I’m just not ready to go down that road. Who knows, there may come a time when I will toss away the mask and reveal all to everyone but not just yet.
Alright, let’s deal with the aftermath. I’ve been back in the real world for two days now and there are three recurring questions that I just can’t answer easily.
1. How did you do? Non-dancers really aren’t going to understand all that goes on at a comp. I’ve tried to explain the open vs closed and age divisions but usually their eyes start wandering or they glaze over. Everyone wants the bottom line – did you win? Well, if you go by the marks, no I didn’t. And I didn’t expect to either. I won just by being there and doing all the routines. I know that may sound a little silly but it is the truth for me. But that’s not something people want to hear so I usually just say “I did OK”.
2. How was it? Noisy, chaotic, stressful, nerve-racking, intense, busy, amazing, boring, entertaining, draining, etc. Sorry but I can’t give you a simple answer because it was an emotional thrill ride filled with ups and downs. Again, people don’t really understand that and it would take to long to explain. I usually talk about being nervous but that the dancing was great.
3. Was it fun? Yes and No. Parts were very fun (Saturday night for example). Parts were no freaking fun at all like trying to run through the open smooth routines and blanking on parts and getting frustrated with myself and wanting to just run out of the place so I wouldn’t have to go on and make a fool of myself. So how does one answer that. Normally, I opt for the path of least resistance and just say yes cause that’s what people want to hear. And it spares me the follow up look on why I would spend the money and travel someplace if it wasn’t a barrel o monkeys.
To be clear, when I sense genuine interest, I do give more detailed answers. But that’s just the introvert in me. If I sense you are interested, we’ll have a meaningful conversation. Otherwise, you get just the cliff notes version.
I have noticed something though. I’ve been at the studio the last two nights and I am more relaxed than I’ve been in awhile and it comes out in the group classes. I’m basically sailing through them just laughing and having a good time. I guess my mind is saying that we survived the dance-o-rama so no stinking little group class is going to bring me down. My private lessons have been great too.
Two funny notes about last weekend that I don’t think I touched on. If I did, please forgive me, the panic attack has clouded my memory. They were doing some social media stuff during the event and one contest was to take a picture with your instructor, put it on Instagram with the appropriate hash tags and tell why you “love your Famous Franchise Instructor”. Naturally, Z wanted to do this but (a) I don’t have Instagram on my phone and (b) I totally suck at coming up with little one liners like that on command. So she takes a picture of us, says something about how I love her because I never know what she is going to say next (which is so true) and posts it. They announce the winners right before the all around so I’m lined up to go on when suddenly, I see that picture pop up and we are one of the lucky winners of their contest. I got some Famous Franchise Swag out of the deal. I’m not sure she was happy that we won or pissed cause I wouldn’t play along.
And, with the other happenings of Saturday night, we were at a table with a group from a New York studio. There was one lady who was complimenting me on my dancing and asking about where we were from and how long I’d been dancing and so on. Then, she turns to Z and says “who were you dancing with?” Now, to be fair, if you’ve ever been to a dance comp, you know that the ladies can look completely different when their hair is not all done up and in a non-ballroom dress. But, there were just three of us from the studio and I wasn’t dancing with OwnerGuy so there was just the one choice. She did recover and made a comment about of course she knew that. I thought it was funny though.
But in a sign that life goes on, the studio puts up little posters in the bathrooms showing upcoming events. Before we left, they had good luck to me and the event. Last night, that was erased from memory and new events had taken its place.
And speaking of life going on, this Friday is Showstoppers and the official end of the festival. So I was working with the Body Double on our Argentine Tango and I’ve now got a video to study. I’m really excited about doing this one and then watching it continue to grow towards the next showcase.
We have two coaches coming in next week and I’ve got lessons booked with both of them. The panic is behind me. The dance-o-rama is behind me. But dancing (and this blog) will continue. Two years in and I’m still going strong. Got lots to say still so stick around.