My Not So Secret Identity

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First, if you are just landing here and have not kept up with my experiences at the recent dance event, go read this post and the comments.  Don’t worry, I’ll wait ….

I know that there are some number of people outside the village who drop by to read things but choose to remain in the shadowy world of lurkers.  I think we in the village have just gotten comfortable enough with each other that it is natural to toss out the “likes” and comment from time to time.

I’ve also known that in describing real people, places and events that there is only so much one can do to remain totally anonymous.  There has always been the risk that someone would put the pieces together and figure out that Spiderman is really Peter Parker.   I guess I just assumed nobody would really bother.

It isn’t really clear to me how much “The CMW” really knows but it was enough to clue the nice folks from the other studio to find me and fill my dance card for the night.  And it is not clear to me how direct the link from “The CMW” to this studio is or whether those folks read this blog.  But, at a minimum, there are now people with enough pieces of the puzzle that the whole could be assembled.

And that changes things.  This blog is therapy for me.  As I’ve described, the pro-am relationship is extremely complicated so this is my version of marriage counseling.  Allowing me to express things and actually making connections to those who are experiencing similar things and feelings has been invaluable.  There is tremendous comfort in knowing you aren’t alone in the world.

However, all long term relationships have their ups and downs and I’ve said some not so positive things about Z and OwnerGuy when I’ve had to express frustrations.  As they are well known within the Famous Franchise community, I wish to do nothing that would cause them harm.  At the core, they are good people and I have stayed with the studio for many years so there are far more positives than negatives.

Yes, I suppose I’ve always been playing with fire but I have naively assumed that nobody would really care enough to do anything more than read this post.  Don’t get me wrong, I meant what I said when I thanked “The CMW” for setting me up with the other studio.  But I no longer feel comfortable.

So I have a couple of options:

A.  Go totally open and come clean with the blog and just ride out the consequences.

B.  Destroy the whole thing and just keep a private journal.

C.  Make this a private blog and have more control over who can see it.

D.  Pretend this didn’t happen and carry on as normal.

I suspect A and D aren’t really options but I have to consider the best course of action.

12 comments

  1. Feel free to tell me to pipe down, I know I leave my 2 cents on your posts a lot. 🙂
    But I have to say that if you’re posting thoughts on the internet, you have to assume that anyone and everyone will be able to read those thoughts. Having said that, I don’t think you should censor yourself just because of who might read your blog. It’s your blog, it’s about you, so you have the right to write whatever you want. I’m sure Z and OwnerGuy are mature enough people to know they’re not perfect and not be so offended by your thoughts that it negatively affects your relationship with them. And as you said, your experience at this recent comp was made better because someone connected some dots!
    It’s easier for me to express myself in writing, so I actually encourage my teacher to read my posts because he’ll get a better explanation of what I’m struggling with than if I were to try to explain it through conversation. Who knows, maybe your relationship with Z would grow stronger if she read more of your stuff!

    1. Your 2 cents are always appreciated. If I didn’t want other opinions, I’d just shut down the comments. I don’t think it is a question of maturity, even in writing there are things that can be taken the wrong way and unintentionally hurt someone. That’s my worry here. For the record, when things have gotten hairy in the past, I’ve usually ended up writing Z a long note/card to explain things. I do much better writing as well.

  2. You’re still superman to me! I’m sitting in clueless land. As for your blog. It’s up to you. That being said, I look forward to reading all your posts with my morning cuppa. You’ve helped me feel more normal. 😀
    I also think that Z and Owner Guy might not care as much as you think. Not to be harsh, but they may not read any of it. I wish they would. They would be better able to teach you and help you through your struggles if they did. Just my two cents.

    1. Do you feel normal because you relate to me or because you’re saying “boy, that guy is really messed up” 🙂 (Just kidding but I couldn’t resist the opportunity) I am glad that you find some value here.

  3. For what it might be worth, I’d like to put in a vote for you to at least not destroy the whole thing. You are really the only male besides myself that ever has anything to say about dancing online (that has some reflective overtones about the dance world in general), and I definitely appreciate having another male perspective in the mix.

    1. Yeah, after a couple of hours of thought, the “burn it all down” option was probably a bit of an overreaction. More tempted now to just let it ride.

  4. Mr. Diagonal Wall, NO ONE that I know knows about this blog. Who reads it? Those of us that appreciate you and keep coming here to read your DELIGHTFUL insights. I WISH your teacher would read it, but I sure as hell am not going to send her here. This is your world. I agree with Tree Tattoo Girl that she would understand you WAY more if she read it. I have LEARNED how to teach my introverts better because of YOU. And I have 35+ years teaching experience! YOU helped ME. I repaid you this past weekend, in my small way. I took a chance, figuring you might react in this very fashion when I helped “fill your dance card”, but if my gift of a lovely night of dancing (and btw, my”head conspirator” of the gals said, no one needed any prodding or cajoling to dance with you, EVERYONE loved dancing with you – and THAT NEWS ALONE should tell you something:that it was worth the gamble) caused you to be uncomfortable HERE in YOUR own skin, I hope you will forgive me or I shall disappear and never visit your blog again, and go on protecting your anonymity. I’ve been reading you since DAY 1. DAY ONE. For 2 Years I haven’t said a word. Your posts about your experiences have HELPED me and, I suspect, many others. I’m really sorry if I caused you any discomfort, sadness, or uncomfortable-ness. Don’t change a thing. You have to be YOU. Anonymity, btw, is why I have never friended you on Fb. Go ahead and zap this comment if you’d like, but you deserved my explanation. If the blog let’s you see my email — PLEASE feel free to contact me and I’ll tell you the whole story! I wish I could give you a hug thru the internet – purely platonic of course. Sincerely, The CMW

    1. Wow. Thank you for this. I meant what I said about Saturday night and I do thank you for that. Please don’t disappear. You are welcome here. I had a small panic attack and reached out to the audience to get feedback. I’m more convinced than ever that no changes are needed. I just needed to hear that from some other sources.

    1. Ok so my panic was unnecessary. I really did have a good time on Saturday and what you did was a good thing. I do get your email address in the comments and I think I will take you up on your offer to communicate in more detail.

      1. I’m glad because another one of the reasons I read your blog is your occasional posts about losing weight. I have been struggling through my own battle with weight for about a decade. I was a lean mean muscled machine in my “ute” and now…well, I know you understand. This is a profession of young, lean kids and it annoys me that I even have to fight this daily battle.

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