My Not So Secret Friend (Who Sometimes Creeps me Out)

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OK, this is a bit off my normal postings but I’m dealing with something that feels a little odd to me.  There is this lady in dance class who is my age and married (she attends lessons with her husband) who will send me IM’s from time to time on Facebook.  None of them have been inappropriate and it isn’t a high frequency as she does it every couple of weeks.  There are things that just strike me as a little bit odd and not just with the messages although we know I have my own set of issues.  So I’m just going to put this out there since a lot of you who read this are women (and some are married women) and can judge on your own whether this is “normal”.  I’ve spoken with one person at work who is on the edge but thinks it is a little strange.

We’ve been friends for quite some time on Facebook and, like everyone else in the studio, I talk to them from time to time during breaks between lessons.  I wouldn’t say we’ve ever been close friends at the studio like some others but I’m friendly to everyone.  I should say that the majority of the messaging has started since my weight loss for what that’s worth.  I really don’t dance with her at parties very often because, she’s a terrible follow.  I know that is awful to say but it is the truth because I’ve danced with her in groups often enough to know this.

She’s really not the most outgoing person in the studio and I would say she’s not a “toucher” because I don’t notice her hugging a lot of people in the studio – except me and another lady who shares her birthday.  Certainly, I don’t see her grabbing other guys but she more often then not will give me a little shoulder squeeze as she walks by if I’m sitting in her path.  I’ve been supportive when they’ve done routines and shared some of my experiences because I know she gets nervous about doing them.  There was a time when they finished doing one for showstoppers and she runs off the floor to hug me ?!?

Here’s the normal pattern though.  I’ll see her at the studio on a given day and we’ll have some pleasantries and then that night she sends me a message.  Most of it is silly conversational stuff which she doesn’t say at the studio for some reason.  Oh, and she sends me smiley face stickers as well – usually with every message.  This feels a little like high school to me.

As I said, the messages are mostly silly little things.  But every know and then, there is something that makes me twinge a bit.  She signed off with one message saying something like “you’re my special friend, but don’t tell anyone LOL”.  ???  And she sent me a message for Valentine’s Day complete with a heart.  On the advice of my friend at work, I’ve started to ignore her messages rather than responding and her last message (sent this week) closed with “always keep contact”.  Don’t know what that means of if she was noticing that I’ve haven’t been answering her messages.

Oh, and then there was the time she bought some fancy socks and sent me a photo of them.  In case you are wondering, I don’t wear plain dress socks.  Every pair I have has polka dots or some other pattern on them.  At heart, I’m something of a non-conformist but as an introvert, I choose to express that in a way that is not overtly visible.  Of course, people in the studio make me show off my socks (OwnerGuy seems to love them) and everyone now and then another guy will come in with a fancy pair and show them to me.  She’s the first and only lady who wanted to copy me and then sent me advanced warning she was going to do it.

The tough thing is that outside dancing, we really have nothing in common.  I know this will sound cold but I’m not that interested in having any sort of relationship with them outside the studio because all we have is dancing.  Again, I can be friendly with everyone but friends with very few.  I have no idea what I’ve done here to encourage this or to give her the idea that we are BFFs, but that isn’t the case.  I guess in another context it would be cute but it does make me a bit uncomfortable from time to time.

OK, so am I making too much out of this???


  1. Nope. She’s sweet on you. I agree with whoever recommended not responding to the messages. Be civil but distant at the studio and hope the crush fades. It likely will.

  2. Relax. People our age that use Fb are sometimes into the goofiest stuff like “smiley-faced” stickers and other stuff that seems “highschool-ish”. If she is an introvert, too, she probably senses a kindred spirit, but knows that everyone will misconstrue any kind of friendship- even a studio one only. Including you. Maybe she just notices that you are not social and is trying to show you that she understands. My two cents. I do not think it’s a crush.

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