Dazed and Confused

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So I have the coaching lesson last night. Z is all excited because she talked with both coaches about what they should be working on and we have a plan and she’s all about going to the next level in my dancing. The coach last night was going to work on Waltz and basically focus on head weight to make it flow smoother and then to focus on a couple of parts where I struggle and maybe add some new things. It all sounds good in theory and I was actually excited going in.
At first, it started out just fine. He made a minor correction to how I was doing a certain step and it worked out pretty well. And then he just started going crazy. I give the guy a lot of credit because he was very excited and wanted to teach me this stuff but as he’s explaining head weight and head position, he’s demonstrating and dancing like a very experienced pro does. So I’m seeing him move all parts of his body in unison and bending and stretching in certain ways and all I’m thinking is “I don’t look one tenth as good as that”. Yes, as I’ve warned others, you should never compared yourself to a pro and I would have been better off to have just focused on his head since that was the goal of the lesson but I was taking in the whole package and just getting seriously overloaded on trying to factor in all he was saying/doing.
See this is one of those concepts that I get intellectually but making my body do it is a whole other matter. I have to try and mimic what I’m seeing and if I’m seeing so much that is different from what I do, then it just is total sensory overload and I was just left looking like the proverbial deer in the headlights. At one point, he tells me that he wants me to look like OwnerGuy when dancing with Z. I know this is just a way to pump me up but it totally backfired with me because I’m not OwnerGuy and I’m never going to look like OwnerGuy so it just set an unrealistic expectation.
I started to get this vibe of crushingly high expectations as he talked about competitions and such. And then my mind starts working overtime as it usually does and not in a good way. All the bad thoughts like “I should be dancing this way already” and “is this really what Z expects” and so on and so on. Along with the whole “how the hell am I going to do THAT” which came up many times.
At one point, he starts rambling on about floorcraft and how he cut a step short and changed directions with his head and how that’s what I need to be doing as a competitor and demonstrating how it could be done. Yes, I know this is something I need to work on but it was all too much on top of everything else. I finally told him that I felt like a high school student tossed into an advanced college level Physics class. Totally confused, out of my depth and in way over my head. I hate feeling like that.
Now, he will be back to judge the Showcase in May and when I realized that, I got a sick feeling in my stomach because he’s going to expect to see these grand movements and I don’t know if I can pull that off. Let’s just say, I was seriously wondering what the hell I was doing spending all this time and money at the studio. Yes, getting to the next level would be nice but if getting to the next level requires scaling a 10000 foot sheer rock wall, then is it even realistic? This is how I felt last night. Confused and almost defeated.
I’m a little better today. I suppose you could turn this around and say he wouldn’t be introducing this if I wasn’t ready and that I can do this but it will take more time and a hell of lot more work. As far as Showcase, I did realize that I’m not dancing for him. I’m dancing for me and I’m going to have fun no matter what he, or anyone else thinks I should be doing. So it wasn’t a long trip to the dark side but the confidence is clearly shaken here and will take time to build up again.
I know I have a lot more to learn. It can be painful when you get a visual demonstration of just how much farther you have to go. Oh well, lets hope Friday’s coaching is better.

2 comments

  1. I can totally commiserate with you. And also, I know that in a couple days, hours … whatever it takes, you’ll be back at full force trying to do exactly as the coach is pushing you to do — ’cause you love dancing so much — 🙂 That’s just how we roll …

    1. Funny thing, I had a Quickstep lesson last night and there were parts when I was trying to do the head weight thing. Guess I’m predictable! But still having the “is this really worth it” conversation with myself.

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