I am coming up on a two year anniversary of the day when my BMI was first considered “normal”. I have come back about 10 pounds from my all time low although some of that is increased muscle mass from a year of working with a trainer as I continue to transform myself. I don’t really talk about it too much here since I’m so totally focused on dancing and I also don’t know how it would be perceived. For those who are struggling, would hearing from someone else who faced the battle help or could it end up just making some feel worse. Don’t know but I suspect I’m some kind of outlier after having kept the weight off for two years. I can tell you that it did require life changes and it is hard work because my genes work against me.
Why do I bring this up now? Well, even though we live in a large metropolitan area, we tend to frequent certain stores on a routine basis. Starbucks for sure but we have dogs so I make many trips to the pet store and bird feeding is a hobby and there is a store that specializes in that. While a lot of retail is transient, there are those who do work at these places for long periods of time and so you strike up casual relationship with some of them since you recognize each other. During and shortly after the weight loss, I would get many comments from them so I’ve become used to it.
Today, I was off work so I’m doing a little shopping today since I want no part of the retail cluster that will be tomorrow and Friday. The store was empty because it was early and the lady behind the counter made a beeline for me as I was browsing. She said she’d wanted to say something for some time but never had an opportunity so she wanted to tell me how good I looked and wanted to understand how I did it. She actually didn’t need to lose any weight so it might have been some idle curiosity but we talked briefly about what and how I did what I did.
The weird thing about this is one of my Facebook friends from the studio liked a photo of me from three years ago which means it showed up in my feed. So one of the first things I see this morning is some really awful picture of what I looked like before the weight loss. Then, I get told how amazing I look now. This of course all happens the day before we normally consume many times the amount of calories that we should. I can’t believe this is just some random event but what is the deeper meaning. Be careful about tomorrow? That would be too easy.
Maybe it is a sign that I should finally start to accept that what I see and what others see is vastly different. Logically, I know that I am significantly smaller than I used to be. I’ve kept a couple of items from that time just for laughs. But, when I look in the mirror, I struggle to see a difference. What I see is not amazing. What I see is the parts where I still need to lose something and all the parts that are less than perfect. I don’t see the progress and so I don’t fully celebrate the journey which I should. Food for thought (and there are no calories in that!!)