I think I have come to realize that I’m probably always going to have some level of doubt before any one of these events. I don’t necessarily think that is a bad thing as I’ve had pros tell me they experience some of the same feelings. I think my inner lack of confidence does drive me to work more and that is probably a lot of what helps me when it actually comes to these events. The challenge, as with most of life, is finding the right balance. It is still too easy for me to dive off the deep end into full on imposter syndrome feelings when I start to hear the negative demons telling me I don’t know what I’m doing and that there is doom right around the corner. It would be nice if I could truly learn from past experiences since I’ve done many of these events and survived them all with very few real screw ups. But at least this always gives Z the opportunity to give me the “I told you so” type of line when we do something and it doesn’t turn out to be the epic failure I had imagined.
Last night was our last party before Showcase. As is the tradition, they allow any student who comes to the party to practice their solo routine so the party is extended for an extra 45 minutes to allow them all to fit in. They split the routines up and have general dancing in between so those not performing don’t have to sit out for long periods of time. It is really good practice because there is one thing about doing a routine on the floor with other lessons around you and your instructor counting off the timing. It is a totally different feeling to be out there alone with everyone watching and having to rely more on your own timing. We start the hustle routine apart and walk towards each other so I have to start on the right beat or it won’t look good so I’ve spent a lot of time listening to the beginning of the song to be able to count the beats and find the right place to move.
I had a lesson right before the party because I was close to full out panic mode about performing it later. It still felt rushed in places and I was convinced it was going to suck epically. (Yes, I can be a touch over dramatic at times). After about the 10th time, something seemed to click and we fixed a couple of the parts I was most worried about. At that point, I figured I could get through it and do a passable job.
At party, they didn’t have a schedule so at the end of the second break, they called me and Z to the floor. She was messing around at the front desk so I just played it off for a bit until she came running out to get in position. How did it go, you ask? (Well even if you didn’t ask, I’m going to tell you because it is my blog and if I didn’t, there really wouldn’t be much of a point to this post). Can I say I nailed it? We’ve got a spot towards the end where I do a little spin and then we do a grapevine thing across the floor but she’s ahead of me and we aren’t in frame. Guess that must have have looked good cause the crowd cheered at that point. Even OwnerGuy gives me a “nice job” when we walk off the floor. And I know he judges me at a different level because I’ve done comps and have expressed an interest in doing more. The Statue told me how much she liked it when we were dancing later. Got some nice feedback from everyone else as well.
The best comment though was probably from the Body Double. As we walked off the floor, she says to me, “You can’t hide it, I can see you were proud of that”. As an aside, I guess I should never play poker since I don’t hide things well. But that’s a fair statement of how I felt. For once, my impression of how I did meshed with the feedback I was getting. Yes, I was proud of it. Why? Cause I worked my freaking tail off getting ready for it. That’s the downside of doing these performances. You spent months working on something and its over in 90 seconds (or less). And you don’t get a do over. I still have to do it again at Showcase and there is certainly no guarantee that it will go that well again, but I’ve shown myself I can handle some more complex stuff and I wasn’t overwhelmed by the song which seemed fast but really wasn’t that bad.
The formation didn’t quite go as well. It is done to a James Bond theme and transitions from Tango to Cha-Cha to a very fast Rumba like thing at the very end. The transitions are abrupt and have been hard to get down so I think we got off in the transition to cha-cha. And in the Rumba thing, I did one more step than I should have because I lost track of which way the next step was supposed to go. It is hard to keep track of where the other couple is when you’re doing a backwards walk around to a very fast piece of music. 3 of 3 made it clear that she’s having a formation run through at 10:10 AM the day of Showcase so we all have to be there early to get one more time to go through it.
I’ve got three lessons tonight. Got to go over the Argentine Tango with the Body Double, the two-step with 3 of 3 and everything else with Z. Again, the nagging lack of confidence drives me to do more. Then, Showcase on Sunday. Already starting to put together in my head what I need to bring so I don’t forget anything. Need one outfit for the formation, a shirt for the Hustle and my smooth and rhythm outfits for the rest of the entries. Plus another shirt to wear to the dinner that night. On one hand, it is nice to have these events in town. On the other hand, it is kind of a pain to drag that much stuff from my car to the hotel dressing room and then back to the car.
OK, nothing special here. Just the song we are using for the hustle routine. Going to put it in your head so the next time you hear it, you can picture me in a state of panic trying to get the routine down.