Assessing the Damage

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Well I did something I’ve been afraid to do and that was get back on the scale.  I know I’ve been making bad food choices ever since last week and now I’ve assessed the damage.  I’ve bounced up over a psychological barrier which I hit just after Thanksgiving as well.  I managed to lose it after Thanksgiving but it came back.  I know part of the reason is that candy was a big part of Christmas when we were growing up.  There was nothing better than opening your stocking early on Christmas morning (that was our rule but big presents couldn’t be opened until everyone was awake).  There was always candy and we were allowed to start eating whenever we wanted so chocolate was always a big part of breakfast on Christmas day.

The other thing is I don’t want to totally deny myself things I enjoy.  I know someone else who went through the same weight loss and she feels guilty for eating even a small amount of sweets.  I hadn’t wanted to get to that point so I had been reintroducing treats into my diet but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to exercise self restraint and just eat a small amount each day.  It doesn’t help that my wife bought me a lot of chocolate for Christmas.  She meant well and I had been more relaxed with my diet so maybe she figured it was OK but she went overboard and we got snacks from others in the family so there is a large amount of food that I don’t need staring me in the face.  I’m now considering just tossing some of it from time to time but a part of me wants to conquer the urges and finally learn a little self control.  If I can’t master it, then it all goes away.

On the plus side, I have hit the treadmill and done my other exercises three of the four days this week which may have minimized the damage but I do live in constant fear of ending up back where I started which was not a good place.  If you’ve never been fat, you have no idea what it is like to end up on this side of the fence and I don’t ever want to go back.  But, there is also a part of me that wants to go back to what I think is a more normal life but, this may just be another brutal reminder that I simply can’t.  As I said, maintaining the weight loss is hard work and it is a lifetime commitment.  I’m off for the next week as well so I’ll be home most of the day staring at the temptations.  There is a part of me that says if I just eat it all, then it will be gone and I can get back to the serious diet but I know that is not the answer.  I’m be tested so I’ll give myself another week to see if I can do some portion control.  If not, whatever is left goes out and then I just face that fact that I have to really restrict what comes into the house because I lack sufficient self-control.


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