Rather strange lesson tonight. I was excited about getting back into the studio after the weekend so I went to the group class before my lesson. The group was Argentine Tango which I’ve done before and enjoy but don’t do on a routine basis because it just isn’t done often enough at parties so I forget the steps too easily. But I was in a good mood and was helping people during the lesson and felt things were going well.
Then, at the start of my lesson, we were having some small talk which is OK except there were others around joining in on the conversation. A couple of minutes is OK but 5-10 starts to cut into my lesson time and starts to piss me off just a bit. She actually was showing off a purse she bought over the weekend which I care nothing about but others were oohing and aahing over it. Then, she gets into a weird conversation about how she really enjoys teaching wedding couples and it got around to us long term students and she said she liked us because we were a steady source of income. To be fair, I have never felt like money was all that mattered but somehow that comment just didn’t sit right. Then, she was going on about how she had to pick the slowest cha-cha she could find so I could learn the steps and how it was going to be the death of her. Yes, it was all humor but it just left me with a WTF vibe. Really, if you don’t like this, then why are doing it? Just so you can get more money out of me? Deep inside, I really want to believe that isn’t the case. I know money is important but the start of the lesson was the first time I felt like I was just a cash cow to be milked for as long as possible and I didn’t like it.
I think I could have shaken it off if the routine was going better. But I’m not feeling it yet. I’m trying to picture myself doing it and what I could wear but there is nothing there that grabs me like the Quickstep or West Coast Swing. It feels awkward and clunky and, even though the song was slow, it felt way to fast. It still feels like it is a quantum leap above what I’ve been doing and I think her comments at the beginning just sucked all the enthusiasm out of me. When that happens, I tend to react badly so I tossed out some really sarcastic stuff which she didn’t like which I can now understand because it did come out of nowhere. She didn’t know how I was feeling. This is kind of the case with me and emotions. You either get nothing or you get it all at once and when you get it all at once, it ain’t very pretty. We composed ourselves towards the end of the lesson and I started to have a little more confidence that I can get this but I’m still not feeling it.
I’m debating whether to tell her this tomorrow at our next lesson. I’d like her to better understand how I was feeling and why things got off track. But I suspect it would not do any good because I can’t say anything that would fix it and just bringing it up would probably set her off. I use sarcasm a lot as well and I use it more with people I’m close to. Sometimes, I go overboard and step over a line without knowing I’ve done it so I have to back track. I’m assuming it is a similar situation here and I can’t really offer any reasons why what she said set me off. And, it would just make her get even more sarcastic and defensive because there was some of that happening last night. So, I’ll probably just stick to the main issue which is that I’m just not excited by the routine yet so I’ll need time to let it grow on me. She still won’t cut me any slack but I think it would be best to have that out in the open. I’m trying to get on board with this but it just ain’t easy.