Well THAT went well

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So a little disclaimer first.  I have total respect for my instructor and most of the time, I love working with her.  She has done great things with me because I never expected to get this far.  But we sometimes have serious communication issues which can make the relationship somewhat volatile.  Despite the fact that we did work things out by the end of the night (we were texting each other in the studio), I still feel the need to vent so prepare for a rant.

Working on cha-cha tonight.  That is one dance I feel confident in.  I know the steps and I can generally hear cha-cha timing very well.  So we run through things and it was a fast cha-cha and I’m thinking I’m on time and everything is good.  Her first comment was about me knowing the routine.  All good.  Then she says “So you can stop pulling me around the dance floor” WTF.  Total and complete buzzkill.  I instantly went to the dark place.  Not Cha-Cha.  That’s one of my few safe dances.  Now you are telling me I’ve been doing it wrong for all this time.  More stuff that I don’t know that I don’t know.  Basically, I was totally deflated.

And she noticed it to and commented on it and that’s where things started to go downhill.  Because every time she blurts something out like that, it becomes my fault for reacting to it the way I do.  Sorry, but words have consequences.  Sorry, wish I had endless amounts of self-confidence and could just blow off your comments but I don’t.  I don’t want to go to the dark place but it happens.  You don’t want it to happen, then don’t give me the sarcastic one liners about me screwing up some type of technique.

Then, she got a little defensive and we started arguing because I had told her I wanted to work on technique so what was my problem and what did I want.  Really, I get that I’ve got a lot to work on.  Trust me, I know there are a lot of gaps in what I do and areas that need improvement and I don’t have an issue with having them pointed out so they could be worked on.  But how about being a little more supportive.  I know good coaches have to kick people in the butt from time to time but there are days when it feels like that’s all I get and it gets old.  I tried to explain that it was not her pointing out an issue but how it was stated that was the problem.  I don’t need the roller coaster with a good comment followed by a dig.  But this requires talking about feelings which is not a strength of mine so I couldn’t express what I was trying to say and she just got more frustrated.  We did manage to work our way through the lesson but she stalked off right after.  I had to sit out the group class hoping she’d come back but she didn’t so I started the text conversation with an apology.  Think we worked things out but it was all again on me which I’m a little tired of.

I did force myself to have a good time at the party that was after the group.  We didn’t talk at the party or after when I paid the rest of the fee for Northstar but I got a text on the way home so at least she’s talking to me.

The good news is I don’t have another lesson until Wednesday and I think at this point we need a break.

Like I said at the very beginning, I normally love working with her and I know I’ve learned a heck of a lot.  It is just that there are times when she really, really pisses me off.  To be fair, I know I irritate the hell out of her from time to time so I guess we are a good match.

Bottom line for me is that I’ve now totally put my expectations at zero.  I’m going in the with the assumption that everyone else there has already conquered posture, frame, timing, etc and my shortcomings are going to be obvious.  Yes, that is somewhat pessimistic and may not realistic but with the crap they’ve tossed at me the last few weeks, it has become obvious how much I still have to learn and having never been to one of these events, I have no idea where everyone else will be.  So I see it as best to expect the worst.  Not saying I won’t dance well because I’ll dance to the best of my ability but I’m just assuming that I won’t stack up against the others which is now OK with me.



  1. Having an argument with your instructor is something that happens to all of us. I know sometimes I get frustrated with mine. As far as feeling you are in a dark place with your dancing , that happens too. It’s constant work and there’s so much to learn. I often feel there is so much to improve on and get discouraged. My instructor also does not dole out praise often. It is rare for him to compliment me, cos that’s just how he is. I have learned to accept that. Hope you can get over this bump and just continue to enjoy your dancing.

    1. Thanks for the comment. It helps to understand that others have some of the same issues. But we ended up in a good place on Friday so as long as we don’t kill each other next week, it will all work out.

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