So first lesson since the partial freak out. Started with cha-cha. My head was messed up and it took me several tries to get through a routine I know. Even forgot part of a step and had to relearn it. Had it when that happens – I just get so inside my head that I start blanking out on steps I know. Then, the harder I try to think about what to do, the worse it gets. Anyway, by the end, I was back to where I needed to be and I’m pretty confident in the cha-cha. Only issue was that we tried to focus on what the coach talked about but I got no feedback so I have no idea if I was actually making improvements. More on that later.
Then, we moved on to rumba. We had hit a road block with the rumba so my instructor had sent me back to work with someone else but we agreed that if I was going to do rumba at dance-o-rama, then we had to get back and work on it together. She pulled out an old routine which was the first one I did (back when I liked rumba because I didn’t know how much I was doing wrong). There are several steps that I’m just not comfortable with the actual technique and I tried to tell her that but she basically told me I was crazy and that there was nothing wrong. I really know I should listen to her since this is her area of expertise but there are times when I want my feelings acknowledged. Anyway, we are locked into this now so I’ll just have to suck it up and get through. I have no real expectations for rumba anyway, so I’m now just hoping to get through.
I was thinking more about coaching lessons and the cynical part of me starts to believe that some of it is staged. They want you to feel like you’ve accomplished something so they work on a step multiple times and they eventually get super enthusiastic which makes you believe you’ve had a breakthrough. Then, it becomes something to work on in your regular lessons, but it never seems to rise to the same level as it did during the coaching lesson. Like I said, this is the cynical part of me. But I will continue to try and process what she asked and attempt to incorporate it but will have no idea if I’m actually doing it.
Still have too much fear at this point. I really don’t want to let my instructor down and I know if I told her this, she’d tell me not to worry but I still will. Too much that is still unknown. We talked some about what is expected and that starts to ease the anxiety but I’m still at the “what the hell I am thinking” stage. I want to do this but it scares the hell out of me. This is how dancing sometimes really messes with my head. I know it will be OK and I’ll make it through but it doesn’t feel that way right now.